Shards of Distortion
by Penguin Pop
Summary: Raven has been wasted away both emotionally and physically, thanks to a certain Boy Wonder. She fights battles within, starving herself and growing ever wary of the blade that lurks in the darkness of her mind. Will Robin save her from herself? RaeRob
1. Lullaby of Darkness

Okay. So after much hemming and hawing, I decided to try my hand at a Teen Titans fic. I really do wish they would start showing Season 4 here. I guess in the meantime, I'll have to make do with what I've got.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my story.

* * *

_Raven has been wasted away both emotionally and physically, thanks to a certain Boy Wonder. She fights battles within, starving herself and growing ever wary of the blade that lurks in the darkness of her mind. Can Robin save her from herself before it's too late? _

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

_Chapter One: Lullaby of Darkness_

Indigo eyes stared sullenly into their reflection. She blinked once, then blinked again, before feeling that prickling sensation. The one of tears she had begun to feel more and more frequently. She tore her gaze away from the mirror, shaking off the salty tears that threatened to come.

She glided over to her bed, falling into a sitting position. She cradled her bare knees with her arms, resting her head. Purple-blue locks fell around her pale face as self-hatred consumed her.

She glanced warily at the cold metal that gleamed. Even in the darkness it managed to shine. It was calling her; a haunting, bittersweet lullaby flooded her mind. The knife, it could rid her of this. It could numb the pain of life.

'_I'm so weak…'_

She was slipping away. Her reality was becoming blurred, as depression overwhelmed her. She was screaming on the inside with the rage and fury she held towards herself. She didn't understand it. She didn't understand anything anymore.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream out loud. She wanted to bleed until her pain was all gone. But she wouldn't. She couldn't.

Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door. She jumped slightly, startled by the disruption of her melancholic thoughts. "Hey Raven," the boy's voice came. Her insides froze. One of the strange stone sculptures that added to the creepy décor of her room suddenly exploded. '_Great. That makes three this week,' _she thought to herself wincing slightly, hoping the sound had gone unheard.

"Uh… everything okay in there?" _No. _His voice gave her shivers, but she didn't know why. She didn't want to know why. She would run from it, hide from it…

"Go away," she said. Her voice was cold, as she tried to block out any trace of emotion.

"Whatever, Raven. I was just going to ask you if you wanted lunch. Considering you skipped waffles this morning…" Silence answered him. "Uh… Cyborg made triple meat sandwiches…"

"No," she said, her voice rising slightly. "Now get lost, Robin." She didn't mean it, really. She knew that eventually, she would need her friends. But right now… it was too hard for her. She wasn't strong enough to confront them. She didn't even know what was wrong. She didn't know what else to say.

"Er… okay," he said and walked away, not looking back at the closed door before joining the rest for lunch. She hovered silently on the other side, listening as his footsteps faded away.

She exhaled slowly, only now realizing she had been holding her breath. She stared once again at her reflection in the mirror. It had become an obsession, perhaps. But every time she looked, she would find a deeper yet hatred for the girl staring back. "Weak, pathetic fool," she whispered.

She studied her own face. Pale and dreary, her complexion was greyish in colour. Dull and lifeless like her tainted soul. Her hair was flat and limp like one of those 'before's in a shampoo commercial. And her eyes… murky and dark, they stared tiredly back. Even the jewel on her forehead had lost any sparkle.

_Idiot._ She wanted to smash the mirror into a million shards of shimmering nothingness. That would be relieving. That would be… incredibly stupid. She would proceed to spend the next three hours sweeping and vacuuming to avoid sharp pieces in her feet.

She felt rather cold – her room was chilly, and had succeeded in avoiding any remote trace of physical contact for what seemed like weeks. She pulled her royal blue cape closer to her body, concealing her figure.

She was drawn to the darkness of her mind. It tempted her so. _Give in,_ it willed her. _Collapse… and let the pain be over._ She forced her eyes open. "No…"

'_That's it. I need to meditate…' _she told herself. She couldn't be weak. She could never be out of control.

She levitated above her bed, closing her eyes slowly. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," she slowly chanted. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

Meditation had been harder lately. She couldn't seem to focus, and disgusting self-pity took over. She had been getting weaker and weaker as she fell deeper into her self-loathing. Her frame had been gradually getting thinner and she was increasingly more tired, however the Titans had not questioned.

Nonetheless, Raven managed to slip into a subconscious state. She stayed for hours maybe, she hadn't been counting, until her concentration finally broke.

She cautiously slid her door open a crack, checking for the other Titans. Perhaps skipping two meals today was a bad idea; it may have aroused some suspicion. But she couldn't have eaten anyway. Hoping none of the others would catch her, she swiftly left her room to use the washroom – she hadn't left her room since the evening before.

She was not caught on the way there. However, on her way back to the room, her name was called. "Raven…" It seemed they had been waiting for this for quite some time.

"What," she snapped, glaring at the boy in red who had spoken her name. He stepped out of the shadows of the hallway.

"Uh… we made you something," Beast Boy said, appearing with Robin. Robin grasped her shoulders so she was looking him in the eyes (or mask, rather). The situation was sending unwanted chills down her spine. He then took her slender arm and led her into the big, empty living room. The warmth she felt would be somewhat comforting, though she wouldn't allow it to be. So much for no physical contact.

"Surprise!" Starfire grinned, jumping up and down. Beast Boy and Cyborg stood aside, revealing an unbelievably large chocolate cake.

"We figured you would be hungry, having skipped waffles AND meat sandwiches," Cyborg said. "So…"

"We made a cake just for you! One that _nobody_ could ever resist," Beast Boy positively beamed. "Quadruple layer, with chocolate fudge frosting and chocolate sprinkles and chocolate shavings on top!"

They all stared expectantly at her, waiting for her reaction. She stared at the monstrosity. "Oh."

"Well?" Cyborg asked.

"Look. Thanks, but… no thanks." She turned around to leave, as their mouths hung open in shock.

"But… but…" Beast Boy stuttered.

"Come on, Rae. We went through all this trouble…" Cyborg was cut short.

"I said _no thanks_," she said sharply, not bothering to turn and even look at them.

Suddenly, Starfire cut in front of her. "Is this how friends are to be treated?" Starfire asked. Anger flared in her voice. "Is this how you repay those who have worked ever so hard to make you a cake? Cyborg and Beast Boy have been working on this for a very long time. And now, you tell them no? You will not eat their cake?"

"I'm not hungry," Raven said quietly.

"Raven?" Beast Boy looked at her. She turned her head to face him, and stared back. Her eyes, normally so beautiful, were dull and sad. He could feel himself plunging under the surface, being pulled under by thousands of dark hands. "Raven…"

She turned away and flew back to her room, her cape trailing behind her like limp and broken wings.

* * *

"Dude… herbal tea?" Cyborg questioned.

"For Raven," Beast Boy answered. Concern was apparent on his green-skinned face, as he gripped the steaming mug.

"Yeah… okay," Cyborg said. "She's had maybe an hour to cool down, now. If that girl ever _does_ cool down…"

Beast Boy smiled slightly, as he walked into the Titans' sleeping quarters. He knocked on the door that read 'Raven'. "Rae? It's me, Beast Boy. I brought you some herbal tea. Can I… come in?"

He waited for her answer that would follow along the lines of "no" or "go away", because _nobody went into Raven's room._ However, the answer he got was rather unexpected. She opened the door, causing Beast Boy to nearly drop the mug.

He sat himself on her bed, across from her. "Thanks," she muttered, as he handed her the warm mug.

"Raven… is anything wrong?" he asked carefully. He stared into her blank eyes, then her once lustrous, now dull hair. She looked even paler than usual, and thinner. Her hands weakly gripped the blue mug.

She stared at him. "No… I don't think so." Her voice was distant and somewhat weak.

"Okay, well… if you ever need to talk, I'm here," he offered. He put his hand on her shoulder, emphasising his support. "I'll try my best to help."

She nodded. "Sure. But really, there's nothing to help with."

He smiled slightly. "Alright. So… uh… you sure you don't want any cake?"

She looked up from her herbal tea. "Positive."

"Just, you know, making sure…" silence entailed, however it was not completely awkward. It was nice of Beast Boy, Raven thought, to try. She really did appreciate it. But he couldn't help her. Nobody could.

Beast Boy, meanwhile, was respecting the tranquillity of the room. He watched as Raven silently slipped into meditation. He was trying, really trying, to keep quiet and sit still. But, alas, he could not ignore the fact that his attention span was about that of a carrot.

After about fifteen minutes of watching her meditate, he realised he was bored out of his mind. He swiftly morphed into a kangaroo, using his transformation abilities. Then a magpie, a koala, a platypus, a hippopotamus…

A darkly lashed eye opened. "What are you doing?" The changeling was transforming at about an animal per second now.

"Meow?" A green kitten stared up at her. He morphed back into his regular human form, grinning. "Uh… sorry," he said, sheepishly. She stared at him, though the annoyed expression wasn't there.

"Okay," she said quietly. He blinked twice. He actually would have preferred she yell at him, or make some sort of snide remark. Anything.

There was a knock at the door, interrupting the silence. "Yo Raven. BB? You in there?" Cyborg, obviously.

"Yeah," Beast Boy called.

"Training's starting now," Cyborg said.

"'Kay," Beast Boy answered. "Coming."

It was beautiful outside. The sky was a rather bright, clear blue, and clouds were scarce and thin. Perfect for training. They watched on the sidelines, as Beast Boy, Starfire and Cyborg in turn cleared their courses. And then it was Raven's turn.

"Come on, Raven!" Beast Boy yelled.

"Rae! Go for it!" Cyborg shouted.

"You can accomplish it!" Starfire cheered.

Target practice had started. Black bolts of energy flew from her hands as she threw them. Ten targets had gone by. The Titans stared at her – she had missed every single target. More targets came, and she managed to get very few. The series ended, and she had failed miserably.

Much to the dismay of Star, BB and Cy, the rock sequence commenced. "But Robin," Starfire said quietly. "I do not think-"

"She's fine," Robin interrupted. "Accidents happen."

"Dude," Beast Boy frowned.

"Let her off the hook for today," Cyborg said gently.

"Guys, Raven's entitled to a few slip-ups," was all he would say.

Great boulders came hurtling towards her. Well, hurtle may be a bit of an exaggeration - they weren't coming very fast. And they weren't great boulders either… rather rocks. But Raven looked as if she was having difficulty with it.

A chunk of rock skimmed her leg, followed by another, which hit her arm. She couldn't do this. A large, craggy boulder hit her dead-on. The frightening thing was the fact she made no sound. No scream, no groan, not even the slightest whimper. All that was heard was the sickening crack of impact upon her body. "Raven!" the Titans cried simultaneously.

Violet eyes opened slowly, dazedly. She had been out for a couple minutes. "Raven, are you alright?" Cyborg asked. He held the girl's limp body in his arms, noting that she was incredibly light.

"Fine," she muttered.

"Okay, then. Try it again," Robin said impassively. Raven stared at him, surprised. The rest glowered at him.

"No she will not," Starfire said, green eyes glowing a brilliant emerald shade.

"Yeah. Back off," Cyborg said. "Come on, Rae. Let's go back inside." Cyborg carried her; Starfire and Beast Boy followed. Robin watched them, before reluctantly heading inside the tower after them.

* * *

"Okay, Raven. Time for dinner," Cyborg knocked at the door. She had gone to her room to rest, after assuring them she didn't need attention in the hospital wing. But now was time for dinner, and they were _not_ going to let her miss this meal.

"Uh… Robin tells me to tell you that this is your last chance. And… it's your duty as a Teen Titan to be able and fit to fight?" Beast Boy's voice came, before the two broke out into ramblings. She caught snatches of 'spiky haired little…' and '…insensitive jerk' from inside her door, before opening it.

"Raven! How marvellous! You will join us for supper!" Starfire positively beamed. "…I am sorry for having been so mad at you this afternoon. Afterwards, Raven, will you accompany me for a 'spa' I have seen in the teen magazines?" Her eyes sparkled at the notion; her hands were clasped together.

Raven opened her mouth, the 'no' already formed on her lips, but caught her tongue. Beast Boy grinned. Cyborg nodded, urging her to say yes. "Okay," she said reluctantly. Starfire was literally jumping for joy. BB and Cyborg were ecstatic as well.

"Okay, guess we'd better eat now!" Beast Boy suggested. The four headed down the hall. "So, uh, have a good rest?"

She nodded, though none of them believed her. BB cocked an eyebrow; Cyborg frowned slightly; Starfire looked at her worriedly. She looked in terrible condition. She tried a smile, but it was hollow and weak. But that was all they could have asked for. She was trying. They entered the large main everything room, which had the lovely couches, gigantic TV screen, stereo system and, of course, the kitchen.

Robin sat at the table. Her large, dark eyes turned to him, and he nodded, acknowledging her presence. Nothing more than a nod. She saw how his expression seemed to brighten as he saw Starfire, but swallowed any feelings that threatened to erupt. Not that there _were_ any feelings, she reminded herself.

"Feeling better?" he asked, though it was obviously insincere. She had interrupted his training. She had ruined his schedule. She had broken the routine. She glanced up from the plate Cyborg was piling pasta onto to look at him, rather emptily. She wouldn't say 'yes'. Perhaps she _wanted_ him to pity her, as pathetic as it was. "Well? Are you going to answer me?" his voice was growing agitated.

She continued to hold her stare. "Look, Raven. I've had enough," he said, annoyed. "Stop with the selfish attitude. What is your problem?"

She stood up abruptly. Her eyes glowed white, as dark energy below her seemed to swirl around her. "Any problem, Robin," she hissed, "is none of your concern."

"Whatever," he said, apathetically. The boy was too stubborn to relent.

"You will never understand, Robin. You're too narrow-minded and obstinate to see anything. I don't _want_ to act selfish. I don't _want_ to be this way. At least the others will see I'm trying. They make an effort, unlike you. You're too proud to make a mistake. But let me tell you, Robin. You have."

"Raven, you're being ridiculous. You're obviously deluded. How can you call _that_ trying? Oh, yes. The targets. The rocks. You were _really_ trying there… Raven, you got the others. But I, for one, will not give you pity or sympathy. Starve yourself. See if I care."

The drinking glasses exploded, including the one in Robin's gloved hand. She took the form of the dark bird, then fled through the walls.

"Pass the spaghetti," he said calmly.

* * *

Alone in the dark room, her thin figure trembled. Shaking softly, she rocked back and forth on her mattress. She hugged her knees to her chest, the eerie melody of darkness threatening to conquer her. She screamed without making a sound, pain and hatred escaping and hurting.

A single tear fell down her pale face, staining her cloak with sadness.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER

Please review, tell me what you thought! Thanks!

Penguin Pop


	2. Interpretation of Beauty

Okay. Yes, I know that Robin's character was overly exaggerated and mean and such… intentionally so. It was almost painful to write because he's my favourite character. But not too painful… They may be rather moody and overly reactive – but what kind of a story would it be without hyper mood swings?

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

_Chapter Two: Interpretation of Beauty_

'You lose,' the screen read. The car crashed into a wall and proceeded to explode into computerised fragments. Robin sighed, dropping the controller. It was into the early hours of the morning, but he couldn't sleep. Guilt was eating away at his insides. Perhaps it had started after the actual situation sunk in. And maybe that had something to do with the fact the rest of the Titans had started yelling at him and had abandoned him. So now he sat on the couch, staring at the same screen of the one-player game he had buried himself in for hours.

Why had he been so hard on Raven? Had he really failed to see her feelings? Had he chosen to ignore them? Was what Raven said true about him?

He pried himself from the couch to get a glass of water. Then, he realized Raven had shattered them, and started sulking again. "Robin…" a soft voice called. "Robin?"

He turned to see Starfire. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I ask of you the same," she said. "Are you wondering right now whether what friend Raven has said is the truth?"

He stared at her, mouth hanging open. "Robin, it is not hard to guess. I know you care. She is your friend. You are kind. So Robin, please go apologise to her."

He studied her carefully. Compassion filled those brilliant emerald eyes. Her long, red hair cascaded down her back as she gently hovered. A smile was present on her pretty face.

"Yeah, okay," he said. "In the morning."

"Excellent," she grinned. "Although technically it is 'in the morning'. Will you go to bed now?"

"Sure thing," he said. She headed to her room. "Just a sec." She cast him a wary glance, before exiting. Robin sighed, getting a plastic cup instead and filling it with crystal clear water.

What was it about her? She infuriated him so much... First of all, their personalities conflicted. They were both headstrong and stubborn. For every 'clever' thing he could come up with, she countered it instantly. And the way she spoke… it was as if she was above everyone else. She could get away with insults, sarcastic comments and fits of rage. Though the fits of rage didn't necessarily include speaking… but still.

Second, she was just so mysterious. He hated the way she avoided confrontations, how she would flat-out avoid people in general. Then again… was it her he was bothered by, or himself…? For he had an even hazier past than her. He had told nobody. Then again, they hadn't asked… _Stop making excuses,_ he told himself. He shook his head. Okay. So he couldn't blame her for that. In fact, he rather liked mysteries. It was like a puzzle, or a crime case. He _liked_ them. He enjoyed trying to put all the pieces together, and there was nothing better than the satisfaction after solving it. But, the process was indeed most frustrating. And he only had a fragment of the many pieces to figuring out Raven. So there. She frustrated him like a puzzle that was missing pieces.

And third… just the fact that they were friends. He felt an obligation to be her friend. To the other Titans to bear with her. Why were they friends? Right now, Robin saw no beacon of light in the darkness of her flaws. Okay, maybe she was pretty. _'No, definitely not it,' _he smirked to himself. Was she? Nah. Robin had access to the most beautiful girls – he could get almost anyone he wanted. In comparison, Raven was nothing. Especially as she stood next to a certain red-haired beauty. Starfire was a perfect, flawless rose; Raven a mere weed. But she had a strange, haunting sort of beauty. Maybe, maybe she was a twisted vine or gloomy oak. Of course, one that stood alone in an enchanted forest of beauty. Maybe an internal beauty? _No_, he confirmed. He laughed inwardly.

'_Okay, definitely not pretty,'_ he thought to himself. _'And no nice points.'_

Then why were they friends? Robin strained his mind, wracking his brain. He wished he could figure it out. Because right now, it would be so much easier if they _weren't_ friends. He could stay mad at her. And his conscious wouldn't be eating him alive.

He eventually drifted into a sleep on the way comfy couch, after much pondering and wondering. His dreams intertwined with his thoughts. He was attacked by weeds, and vines, and oak trees.

* * *

"You're inviting Raven with us?" Robin ranted. "Are you kidding?" It was early into the afternoon, and there seemed to be no crimes whatsoever. 

"Oh yeah, we were totally kidding. NOT," Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "Give her a break. Honestly, Robin."

"Yes… I'm sure Raven will absolutely adore the hanging out at the mall!" Starfire grinned.

"Or at least give her the opportunity," Cyborg added. "Please give it up, already."

Robin stared at them, an annoyed look fixed on his face. He hated giving in. "Fine," he said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Invite her. But you already know what's going to happen." They watched him. "Shopping is a waste of time," he said in a slow, croaky monotone, incredibly accurate. The others laughed.

"Dude!" Beast Boy laughed. "Don't give her more reason to kill you." He then grinned. He couldn't resist. "NOBODY. Mocks Raven," he added in a similar tone. Laughter again.

"Stop laughing. Fun is useless. As are emotions," Robin smirked, continuing with the monotonous voice. "Instead, we should go to our rooms and sulk."

"And we can listen to the dark, dreary music with lyrics that are sad and angry," Starfire added, giggling.

"And drink herbal tea," Cyborg said. "Then meditate for a few hours. Much more productive than fun at the mall."

"Affirmative," Robin muttered in his Raven-voice. "I feel the need to remind you morons that fun is a waste of time, so I repeat myself needlessly because I obviously know better. Maybe someday, I will stop being arrogant and actually admit that you weren't all stupid and _not_ complete fools."

"Obviously, that someday isn't today," the fifth Raven voice was heard. Wait…

"Uh oh," Beast Boy said quietly, under his breath. Raven stepped out from behind the shadows, violet eyes penetrating them and each had a sinking feeling in their gut. She had been watching from around a corner the entire time.

"Raven…" Starfire grinned so wide it took up the majority of her face. The exact grin was copy and pasted onto Cyborg's. And then again onto Beast Boy's. "We were not… expecting you…"

"Well, if you haven't convinced yourself otherwise… I'd like to go to the mall."

The Titans happily agreed, anxious to dismiss anything she may have heard. She didn't bring it up again, thankfully. But why? That was the question that resounded in the majority of their heads. Raven wasn't one to take an insult lying down. Not that it had been a direct insult, but close enough. And the initiation to go to the mall? Maybe it was to contradict what they had portrayed her as. Or maybe convince herself that she wasn't like that. Maybe to escape from her dark room. Or maybe she felt she owed it to them, after blowing up at dinner and not following through with Starfire's spa idea. Regardless, it was rather out of character, as she had been lately. Though they had felt temporary relief over the dismissal of mockery, they felt now they may have preferred if normal, predictable Raven had launched a verbal assault. Maybe then they wouldn't feel so bad.

The mall was surprisingly not very crowded at all. Which made for a wonderfully pleasant shopping experience. Air-conditioned and thoroughly refreshing, they couldn't help but feel the tension settle. Robin seemed to cool down, and Raven… well, she seemed rather content. At least, she wasn't complaining about anything, which probably meant she was happy, right?

"Raven!" Starfire squealed. "Let us get the spa treatment here!"

"Okay," Raven nodded. The boys raised their eyebrows at the quick and positive response. "You boys can go to the electronics store, or something," she shrugged.

"O-kay… sounds good!" Cyborg said, before racing the others to the nearest game store.

* * *

Raven smiled slightly in response to Star's gigantic grin. "So what colour are you choosing," she asked. They sat next to each other in incredibly comfortable chairs. Star studied the palette closely – there were so many colours! 

"I think… I will go with… 'Precious Pinkest Princess' for the fingernails, and 'Perfect Petunia Purple' for the toes," Starfire said carefully.

"Sounds… _P_leasant," Raven muttered. She was aware of Starfire staring at her expectantly. "'Darkest night' and 'Ebony'."

Starfire tried to grin, but it turned out to be more of a grimace. Raven could tell Starfire liked her chosen colours (or lack of colours) about as much as Raven liked Starfire's.

In honesty, Raven didn't enjoy her spa experience. She was edgy as some stranger made physical contact with her hands and feet – massaging and painting. And it was a total waste of time. And the smell of the nail polish mixed with the flowery fragrances of candles and perfumes was slightly toxic.

However, she glanced over at Starfire, who was absolutely enjoying herself. And Raven figured that maybe it wasn't such a waste of time after all. If it made her friend happy… she could feign happiness as well. Maybe. And at least it was distracting her from her usual painful thoughts.

The girls walked out of the spa a long time later, after manicures, pedicures, facials and massages. Raven had shrugged and agreed to the full spa package, seeing the sheer delight in Star's eyes. Raven thought she had fallen asleep through the massage – though she couldn't really tell whether she was awake or asleep due to the overly scented room – though it was more of boredom than relaxation.

"Ohhhh that was so delightful!" Star squealed. "We shall do it again!" Raven smiled slightly, as the two girls walked through the mall. "Oh Raven! Let us go in here!" she said, skidding to a halt in front of a clothes store.

Raven sighed, agreeing reluctantly. She didn't know why she was even considering going along with this. Oh yeah, the way she had avoided them for the past week or something. And the missed spa date last night. And to assure the others that she was perfectly fine. Maybe to prove to herself she was fine…

Actually, she didn't even think she could retaliate if she wanted. She was tired, tired of being. Tired of life and all its shortcomings. So she wearily carried on through her existence, waiting to find some sort of hope or meaning along the way.

"Raven! Raven!" Starfire excitedly shouted. She blinked a few times, finally actually seeing Star's hand waving in her face. "What sized clothing do you wear?"

"Uh, a little smaller than _that_," she said, pointing at the extra-large shirt Star was holding up to her. A vein throbbed in her temple.

"Eheh…" Starfire grinned. "I did not mean… er, you're Earth sizes are strange to me…"

Raven sighed heavily (no pun intended). She watched Starfire whip around the store, gathering numerous articles of clothing. She noted most of them were dark in colour – these must be clothes for her.

"Go to the changing room and put these garments on!" Star grinned. She thrust a pile of clothes into Raven's arms. Yup, she had been right.

Raven shrugged and played along, entering the change room beside Starfire's. One could see several brightly coloured garments being tossed around from Starfire's change room, and she was out in a flash with an enormous pile of clothes to buy. "Raven, are you finished?" Starfire called as she purchased her clothes.

"Sure." Raven opened the door, to see Starfire with several large, heavy bags. She was also wearing a new pink outfit.

Star squealed as she caught sight of Raven, dropping her numerous bags. "Oh, Raven! You are… looking so very good! It is like you are no longer _you_!"

"Uh… thanks," Raven said dryly. In her black halter and indigo shorts, she was rather stunning. Although she didn't think so herself. She carried a few other articles of clothing with her to the cash register, paying for them.

"You look… thinner," Starfire noticed. Raven looked back at her silently, wondering her reaction. "You look almost beautiful now!"

Raven shrugged it off. At least she knew Star wouldn't lie to her. "And now, friend Raven, for the final touch of our beauty experience!" Starfire said, dragging Raven by the wrist.

"Don't tell me…" Raven's eye twitched as she saw what was coming, inhaling the strong perfume scents.

"A makeover!" Starfire beamed. Raven clapped her hand to her face. "Come on, Raven… please?" Star looked at her with an almost sickeningly sweet, pleading face.

Raven shrugged (her shoulders tired from shrugging so often), and sat in the cushy white stool. Passive Raven had taken over again, indifference reigned. _'Why not… looks can't get any worse,'_ she thought. '_Give the impression I'm trying, anyway.'_

Two heavily done ladies came trotting over in their stilettos. False smiles were plastered on their faces. Starfire didn't hesitate to ask for makeovers for them both. Raven almost choked as one of the plastic ladies came over – her perfume was so strong it could make eyes water. She grimaced, but saw Star so happily choosing out beauty products to try.

'_This might be more fun if I was pretty_,' Raven thought grimly to herself, as the woman started drawing on her face. After all, there had to be some reason Star and other girls liked this sort of thing. The only one she could come up with was the plain and simple fact that they were better looking than she.

"Sorry about that, sweetie. I, err, couldn't _quite_ find any facial product to match your skin tone…" she heard the lady saying. "You can open your eyes now."

She opened her eyes, looking into the mirror in front of her. Raven was slightly shocked – she hadn't turned out plastic after all. Actually, all that had changed was her eye makeup – mascara and eyeliner, nothing she wasn't used to wearing. Raven liked hiding behind her own dark eyes.

She watched the other lady carefully do Starfire's makeover, but grew bored. A pretty hair clip caught her eye. Well, _Raven's _idea of pretty. It was made of a black metal with eerie-looking crimson gems embedded into it. It reeked of darkness.

The woman saw her staring at the large clip. "Like that? Want to buy it?" she asked. Raven's answer would be spelt as 'OK.' Not a formal 'okay,' or a more time-consuming 'O.K.', but a casual, quick 'OK'.

The plastic lady did Raven's hair up loosely with the large clip. And that finished it – a whole new Raven had emerged from her mall makeover. "Aaaaand done!" the other lady's shrill voice was heard. Starfire opened her eyes, looking as dazzling as ever.

"Raven!" she squealed. She nearly tackled her. "Oh, you are so much prettier!"

Raven just cocked an eyebrow. "Are we done now?" she asked in her bored manner.

"Yes, yes we are. We shall meet the others now!" Starfire, beaming, grabbed Raven's wrist and yet again dragged her across the mall, this time to the electronics store.

There they met the boys, who had been playing the demos for hours. Their eyes were still glued to the screen. "Hello, friends," Starfire greeted. There was a smile and overall happiness apparent in her voice.

The three spun around to see the two newly made-over titans. Their jaws dropped. "Wicked," Beast Boy finally said. "You guys – er, gals – look great!" he smiled sincerely. "Love the 'do, Rae."

"Oh man!" Cyborg grinned. "Nice!" He gave them two thumbs up. Everyone stared at Robin expectantly for his comment. Raven felt her heart pace hasten uncontrollably. Maybe he was the reason she had gotten the makeover? _No_, she quickly told herself.

"Why are you out of costume?"

* * *

She sat silently on the marble edge. Robin glanced over at her. They sat several feet apart on the edge of a fountain. It was an uncomfortable distance, and Robin longed to just inch over and bridge the gap. He was tired of his stubborn act, and wanted to perhaps patch things up. Starfire, Beast Boy and Cyborg had gone to grab something to eat. Raven hadn't wanted any, and Robin wanted to stay with her. 

She was a friend, he acknowledged. And he wanted her to stay friends with him. "Hey Raven?"

She looked back at him, her gorgeous dark eyes piercing through him into his soul. "I… uh…" This was harder than he had planned. He scooted over, until they were nearly touching. "Wanted to say… I'm sorry," he finished. "I was a jerk, I know. I get a tad carried away sometimes."

"A tad? Sometimes?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, I often get quite carried away. I have faults too. But, uh…" he furrowed his brow in frustration. This was not something he was used to doing. He was suddenly aware he had grabbed her hand. He almost jumped, shivered, dropped it, but had self-control. He didn't let go, either; he was still in shock over his subconscious action. "Raven, will you forgive me for being a total loser?"

He stared back at her, her face so close to his own. "Robin…" her voice was soothing and compassionate. Robin felt a sudden wave of some emotion he wasn't quite sure of, as it washed over him in a tidal wave. He felt shivers down his spine as she put her hands on his shoulders.

Maybe her more passive, gentle manner. Maybe it was the makeover. But Robin realized she was quite beautiful indeed. Inside _and_ out. A rose… painted black.

Her thick, dark lashes framed her now closed eyes. Her hands were still on his shoulders, with a firm yet gentle grip. And she moved closer, closer in… He closed his eyes, too, waiting for it…

**SPLASH**. His heart nearly stopped as he suddenly made contact with the cold water, the fountain continually pouring heavily onto his head. He was knee deep in fountain water. Opening his eyes, he coughed on the water and realized what had just happened. She had shoved him into the fountain. He stumbled and climbed out of the large fountain in the centre of the mall, dragging himself over the marble ledge.

Shaking his soggy bangs from his vision, he saw her. He opened his mouth to yell at her, but nothing came out. For on her face was a smile. The first real smile in what seemed like forever.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER 

Please review! Thanks!

Penguin Pop


	3. Shattered

Wow, so many reviews! I am so happy! Thank you so much, I really appreciate every single one of them!

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**_Chapter Three: Shattered_

Two weeks had passed since that smile at the mall. They had been counting. Since then, the girl had rather rapidly fallen into her own dark shelter, seemingly unable to find her way out. Even her friends had clued in. Most of them, anyway. Starfire noticed; she realized how thin Raven had become, and how sad she seemed. Beast Boy had noticed, even though sensitivity was not particularly his strong point. Cyborg had noticed, even though he was less than perceptive about those things. That left one…

"Robin, do you not notice that the clouds and stars and moon make a beautiful picture tonight?" Starfire said, staring out the large window. She loved the spectacular view of the Titans Tower.

"Uh… well not particularly," he said, joining her. He smirked. "I've been distracted by something even prettier…"

Starfire's eyes lit up. "Are you intending to mean myself?" she practically squealed. He merely smiled back. "Oh, Robin. You are doing the _flirting_ with me!" She jumped with joy, never afraid to conceal her happiness.

"I guess I am," he said in his cocky manner. He clasped his hands over hers. However, the intimate moment was interrupted.

The huge glass wall revealing the gorgeous night sky suddenly shattered, spraying glass all over. Starfire shrieked, as Robin dove and threw her to the ground with him, shielding her from the crystal shards.

Raven gasped from her place, cloaked in the shadows of the hall, unseen up until now. She quickly fled to the safety of her room.

"Yo, what happened here?" Cyborg and Beast Boy came running, hearing the ear-splitting crash of glass. They skidded to a halt as they saw their living room glittering with glass pieces. The giant windows were all empty, with the bits of remaining glass hanging dangerously from the frame.

"The windows just suddenly… shattered," Robin said, bewildered. He carefully stood up, shaking thousands of pieces of glass off of his cape. He offered a hand to Starfire and helped her up.

"Star, are you okay?" Genuine concern was in his voice.

"I am fine." She suddenly gasped. "Robin! There is a chunk of glass placed in your head! …Several!"

Robin slowly turned, revealing many glass pieces embedded in his jet-black hair. Crimson seeped through.

"Oh, dude!" Beast Boy said, astonished. Cyborg ran to Robin and began to pick out the large chunks of glass from his spiky hair. "So… how did the windows break?"

"We… did not see," Starfire said, blushing slightly.

"I see… busy?" Cyborg smiled, as he carefully extracted pieces of glass from the boy's hair.

"Shut up and get the glass out of my head."

"Aye aye, captain," Beast Boy mock-saluted. "Any ideas as to how they broke?"

A short silence ensued. "It may have been… Raven…" Starfire said softly.

* * *

The girl shook as she sobbed into her pillow. She hated being this way, but couldn't help it. Tears rolled down her cheeks, as she gasped for breath. She was dangerous… She had hurt them. She might go even further, next time…

She had tried to hide it from herself, but could no longer deny it. She liked Robin. She _really_ liked him. Had she known what love felt like, she would say she _loved_ Robin. She was deeply in love with this boy. And she didn't know why. No, she did – he was everything she admired. Everything she wanted in herself. But… why did she have to do this to herself? Why did she love the boy who didn't return the affection? Why did she put herself through the torment known as unrequited love? Why did it have to be him?

She _knew_ he liked Starfire. But when she had seen them together… in the way she knew she would never be a part of… she had lost control. She lost control of her powers for a split second, and… there went the windows. She longed for a feeling of belonging, a feeling of happiness. It was so far away, now. She was falling faster, and couldn't be saved.

Star and Robin were drawing closer, and Raven got weaker. She had lost so much weight she looked like a skeleton. A skeleton, just like her soul…

She heard a knock at the door and immediately tried to stifle her loud sobs. She hid under her covers with the childish hopes of nobody seeing her.

"Uh… Raven?" _No. Not him! _She managed to quiet her sobbing to a silent stream of tears through the immense factor of fear. "They sent me to talk to you. Well, actually, I got the short straw. Can… I come in?"

He ignored the silence, and entered her room. He saw the form under the covers, shaking. He slowly lifted the cover, revealing her pale face. Tears streaked it, and continued to fall. "Raven?"

She stared at the bandage wrapped around his head. Bits of red soaked through. She grimaced. "Oh, uh… it's not bad, really. Cyborg got all the glass out. Nobody was hurt badly, this is the worst," he said, pointing to his head. "Must have been some kid playing baseball… or a bird…"

"A bird. Me, Raven," she said quietly.

"Can I, uh, come under?" Robin asked. He was still holding the covers up to see her face, which she presently buried in her knees.

There was some sort of muffled noise, which he took as a 'yes'. He sat beside her on the large bed, under the covers. "Don't tell me you've been under the covers this whole time… how can you breathe?"

"You get used to it," she said distantly. "Those were pathetic excuses. A baseball?" The usual sharp tone was gone. It was more out of habit. Her voice was soft and slightly hoarse from the crying.

"Whatever. Look, are you okay? The whole window-shattering thing… They're all really worried about you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. But the use of the word 'they' as opposed to 'we' kept coming to mind. She couldn't help herself. "They? How about yourself?"

Robin stared at her in the eyes. They were so beautiful, yet looked sad and empty. "I…" His mind went blank. "I… Raven, I don't know," he blurted. "You… you're doing something to me, and I don't know what."

"Sorry… I'm not trying to, really… as you probably could tell, my control over my powers is slipping," she murmured.

"Well, yeah… but it's not your powers, Raven. It's you. Something about you…" Those indigo eyes held their gaze. "Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me. How are you feeling?"

"Feeling like… I want to know what you're feeling," she replied. Robin stared at her. She was being almost as direct as Starfire! "I share if you share first."

Robin sighed. "Deal. But… can we get out of under this blanket? I can't breathe…"

"Fine," she said. Robin lifted the covers, and got up.

"Want to go for a walk outside? Don't worry, nobody will see. It's after midnight – nobody's out there right now. Just you and me…"

She stood up in response. The two walked silently out, Raven taking precautions as to not be caught by the other Titans. He seeing her like this was bad enough. "They're all asleep, if you're wondering," Robin said. "Which you don't look like you've had a lot of at all."

Seeing her in the light showed him just how pale and weary she looked. Her skin was almost chalk-white, and she was drained of any colour she may have had. The tears had made stains upon her cheeks. Her hair hung limply from her face, like life had left it. "You're right," she said emotionlessly.

"And food, you haven't eaten much at all. You didn't even eat anything today," he remarked.

"You've been keeping track?" she asked dryly.

"It's hard not to notice when you skip most meals, and when you do eat with us you eat hardly anything," he retorted. "Raven… take off your cloak."

She narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"Just do it," he commanded.

"I…" she stopped, sighing, realising it was futile to argue. She slowly unfastened the blue cloak and let it slip from her shoulders, revealing her skeletal figure. Robin's eyes widened underneath his mask.

"God, Raven…" Now even he could see just how wasted away this girl had become. The skin-tight uniform clung to her bony frame. Her bones jutted out substantially. She had been beautiful before. Now, her wiry figure looked weak and feeble. She looked as if she would collapse any minute.

She put the cloak back on. He was still staring in shock. "Why don't you eat?" he asked.

She stared at him with those haunting eyes. "I can't," she said shortly.

"Why not?" He looked frightened.

"No, you promised you would talk first," she said. They headed outside, down a path in the park.

"Tell me… am I your friend?" she asked. Her voice was like that of a five-year-old. It was rather creepy, like she was a possessed child. Maybe her past, the childhood she had never gotten the chance to experience… Her eyes shone brightly in the glow of the streetlights.

"Of course you are," he responded. "And you can tell me anything." He watched as she quietly shook her head.

"No, you're wrong…" She was fragile and could break at any point. She probably had already…

"Why?" He looked slightly hurt.

"There are some things I can't tell anybody," she whispered. "But… we're talking about you, aren't we. What are you feeling right now?"

"Uh…" he scratched his head. Feelings weren't his strong point. "Sad, I guess, because you are too. You look even more unhappy than usual. And frustrated because you can't tell me what's wrong. And also sort of…" he trailed off, smiling.

"Sort of what?" she asked.

"Never mind," he said quickly. "It's nothing."

"Nothing…?"

"Yeah. Well, okay, I suppose it's useless to try and hide anything from you, with your powers and all. And you know already…" He looked away, hand on the back of his neck. "You shouldn't care about it, it's sort of stupid and unimportant to you. But I… well, I _like_ Starfire. You know? I mean I really like her. She's just… I can't explain. But you know. And I don't know how to tell her, but I… I love her…"

Raven bit her lip, trembling slightly. She had paled, and looked unwell indeed. She stopped walking.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked cautiously. He grabbed her hand, though not in the way he had held Star's.

"Feeling… really dizzy… and weak…" she suddenly fell forward, unconscious. He caught her instinctively, and saw the tears leaking down her face as they shone in the dim lights that illuminated the park path. Her skin brushed against his arm and felt cold and clammy.

He knelt, tenderly brushing the dark hair from her face with his glove. "Raven," he whispered, holding her closer to his chest in an embrace. Tears leaked from her closed eyes, down her pale face. She was hauntingly beautiful lying unconscious and crying in his arms…

* * *

"She is moving!" Starfire exclaimed. The Titans rushed to Raven's bedside immediately. She lay in their private hospital wing, uncloaked. Cyborg had hooked her up to a bunch of medical devices that the rest of them had no idea how to work or what they were for. Raven moaned softly, stirring ever so slightly.

"Raven! Are you okay?" Beast Boy asked.

"Where… am I?" she asked quietly. She opened her eyes slowly, as the scene gradually came into focus. "What happened?"

"You sort of suddenly lost consciousness in the park two nights ago. Remember?" Robin said. She stared at him blankly. "We were talking… you were asking me questions. And I was answering them…"

It suddenly hit her with the force of a truck. The memories flooded back, and the darkness surrounded her inside her mind. "Two nights ago…?"

She wished she hadn't woken up. She couldn't escape… She wished she could end it all right now. Was there any way out of it? All that would happen was she would either hurt them, or it would consume her. It being the darkness… a part of her she could not escape. It was her loneliness, her longing for comfort, her wanting to belong… And she would never find that. It would never be satisfied. The more she wanted help, the stronger it became…

"Yeah… you've been out for about thirty-six hours now," Cyborg said.

"And you've been here for thirty-six hours?" she asked, surprised. She glanced around at them. They all bore smiles, telling her that they indeed had waited 36 long hours for her to wake up. They cared. A ghost of a smile appeared on her face. "…Thanks," she said quietly.

No, she knew that they were her friends. She knew they were here for her, just like she would always be for them. So then what was it that she needed? She needed more…

She slowly made her way out of the white bed. "I'm going to my room," she said, but four pairs of hands stopped her.

"Raven, you are not. Instead you are coming to the kitchen to eat," Starfire said.

"Yeah, you're scrawnier than BB and Robin combined!" Cyborg teased. Under any other circumstance, they would have viciously beat him. However, they were too concerned about Raven at the moment, so gave only nasty glares and reluctantly nodded.

She looked at them, with an expression of almost fear in her eyes. Her eyes were like a deer's, large and dark. "But—"

"But what? You're like, freaky skinny, Rae!" Beast Boy blurted out. "Sorry, I didn't mean… it's just… you were beautiful _before_," he said softly, placing a hand on her arm.

Cyborg nodded vigorously, grinning. Starfire nodded, smiling, though she was a terrible actor. Robin said nothing. Raven mirrored him.

"Raven, we… think you have a problem," Cyborg said. "We think… you might have… an eating disorder."

"Now we know how hard it must be, but really. You're not fat!" Beast Boy tried to convince her. "You're not even close to fat! You were skinny before, and well now…"

A slight smile formed upon her face. It grew, and she started laughing. It wasn't a pleasant laugh, though. It was downright scary. It was at an inappropriate time, and was mocking yet sad.

"It goes deeper than that," she said harshly. "I don't even fully understand. But it can't be fixed, believe me. Because there's no solution to my problem. There is no way out. I'm trapped. Now leave, before it gets you too. Leave me alone before I accidentally hurt you!"

Tears threatened to spill, despite how hard she tried to contain them. They had never seen her like this. Her life was crumbling; her stony fortress walls were caving in, right before their eyes. She ran before they could see her cry, leaving them in silence.

"Guys, this is seriously bad. She needs help," Beast Boy said. He didn't dare joke; even though in the worst situations he could find something light-hearted to say, this time he couldn't. His friend was hurt, and he was sad too.

"But we can't do anything," Robin said. "There's nobody who can help her! She's not a normal person."

"That is true," Starfire remarked. "But we must try!"

"We need to get her a doctor. She's _physically_ wasting away!" Cyborg exclaimed. "I think it's some sort of disease, that's making her sick."

"I don't think it'll be any normal disease. She has strange powers… We don't understand them. I think they might be contributing to it. Like the window spontaneously shattering," Robin said. "Maybe her powers are sort of taking over her body, causing her to physically deteriorate. She said that she was losing control over them."

"Or maybe it has to do with some bad guy," Beast Boy suggested. "Maybe they did something to her."

"Why do we not get her a veterinarian?" Starfire asked. "Do they not take care of Ravens?" The others sweat-dropped.

"Uh, I don't think they'll do much for her," Robin said. Starfire shrugged.

"I think that although it has physical signs and that her powers are not under control, I think it is emotional," Starfire said. "If she is sad, her powers will not be under control. That is why she has to meditate, to keep her emotions in the check. And if she is sad, her mind is sick too. So when her mind is unwell, her body is unwell too."

They stared at her briefly, taking it in. What she said made sense.

"Okay, guys. As much as I really want to figure this out, we need to sleep," Robin said, yawning. "Well, I do, anyway. I haven't slept in exactly fifty-four hours now… Doesn't make for good crime-fighting." The others nodded, and they left for their quarters.

* * *

Raven sat alone at the kitchen counter. Just as they had told her to… They had managed to replace the large glass wall. And the drinking glasses, too. She merely sat there, staring into nothingness. She didn't notice the soft footsteps approaching her.

"Raven," Starfire's voice came. Raven looked at the girl who stood beside her and turned to face her. "Raven, since the doctors cannot help you, and the veterinarians cannot help you… I wish to help you," she said. She gently placed a hand on the shorter girl's shoulder.

Raven accepted the gesture, as Starfire pulled her into a hug. "My friend… it is okay to cry," Starfire said softly. And so she did.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER

Please review! Thanks!

_Penguin Pop_


	4. The Toxicity of Love

Thanks again for so many reviews! Haha, I loved the one about my name not seeming to fit with a deep story…

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

_Chapter Four: The Toxicity of Love_

The alarm was sounding; lights were flashing. "A building holding a rare and lethal test chemical has just been broken into. Titans! Go!" the familiar cry was shouted. Three of the Titans responded instantly to the call, and were on their way out of the T-Tower. The leader halted. "Raven… you sure you want to come?"

The girl stared at him, eyes deadened. She nodded once, and they piled into the T-car.

The night was calm, and the streets were silent. Shadows swallowed them, engulfing them into the night. A grey cement building stood tall above the others, looking rather uninviting. This was their destination. Suddenly, something moved.

"A common thief?" Robin commented, seeing what they were up against. A man stood outside of the building, dressed in black. He was holding onto a small container for his dear life. At their arrival, though, he broke out into a run. "Titans!" Robin shouted, pointing at the man.

They felt the ground tremble, hearing the immense stomping of a gigantic robotic killing machine which stepped out from behind the building. It was as tall as a building, with two legs and two arms like a human. Intricate detailing of wires and such covered the huge thing. Beast Boy squealed, sweat-dropping as a huge 'foot' nearly crushed him.

The arms of the robot started glowing, looking remarkably like laser cannons. Details on its body glowed red as it charged up. "Raven! Move!" Robin shouted, as it was aimed right at her. She looked up just as the robot released its tremendous blast.

She was still alive? She stared blankly ahead, realizing Cyborg had dove and pushed her out of the way. He was now carrying her small body, running, as huge blasts shot from the robot's arms and tore up the pavement. The few cars parked on the street were hurled into nearby buildings, causing much damage.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, getting to her feet.

"No time for that. Raven, get out of harm's way. Go after the thief with the chemical," Robin ordered.

She nodded, and took off to find the man, as the others battled the machine. Her navy cloak trailed behind her as she levitated above the buildings in search of the thief. It was completely deserted, there was no trace of him anywhere.

The sky was lonely and cold. Just like her. The scene below was grey with darkness; the few bits of light shone an eerie yellow. Looking over alleyways and street corners, she found nothing.

She fell back into deep contemplation, as she tended to do nowadays. Her mind wandered, as her body flew, patrolling the ground below for signs of the bad guy. How could she escape this? Why did she stay? What was the point…? She knew the point. She knew it was him… he was controlling her life, her mind, her powers… "Robin," she whispered.

She suddenly gasped as she started to fall from the sky. She screamed, realizing her powers weren't working properly, and she couldn't keep herself up. Her scream was high and completely different from her usual voice, revealing her vulnerable side.

"Raven!" Beast Boy shouted, spotting the girl. She was high above the city, plummeting towards the pavement. Starfire and Beast Boy flew as fast as they could towards the falling girl, Robin and Cyborg running as fast as they could towards her on foot. The machine was temporarily forgotten.

Raven felt the sudden jolt as she stopped falling moments before hitting the ground below. Starfire and a massive green falcon had grabbed her, saving her from certain death. They gently lowered her to the ground.

"I… ahh," she groaned, clutching her forehead and stumbling forward. Starfire steadied her.

"There he is!" Robin exclaimed, pointing. The man in black stood beside the robot, the robot's arms were glowing eerily. "Titans! Attack!"

The robot was incredibly strong. When Robin leapt forward to attack, it tossed him into a wall with a sickening crunch. Starfire's starbolts seemed to have no effect. The robot smacked her into the wall as well, landing her in a heap on top of their leader. Beast Boy and Cyborg got a similar treatment, thrown into the wall by the strong arms and the laser blast. It was one Titanic heap.

The machine aimed its massive cannon directly at Raven. She was the only Titan remaining. Fear shone in her eyes. The sound of the beam came, and she shut her eyes due to the intense light. "Raven!" her teammates screamed.

A shadow-bird emerged, shielding the girl from the blast. Angry and majestic, the bird tore through the beam and straight through the robot, causing pieces to fly everywhere. With a shrill cry, the bird's eyes glowed red and the building burst into flame. Starfire and Beast Boy carried Robin and Cyborg away from harm, into the air.

They saw a massive black shadow in the form of a bird; four narrow crimson eyes glinted in the dark. The shadow-bird proceeded to rip right through the man, as he clutched the container. The most unpleasant sound of fear and agony echoed all around. The man screamed as his heart was being ripped out, his soul pierced by the dark figure.

The bird cried triumphantly as the man fell dead. The container fell from his unmoving hands and into the fire. Starfire and Beast Boy, realizing what would happen as the contents were heated, flew as far and fast as they possibly could while carrying Robin and Cyborg. As predicted, the contents exploded.

The Titans shielded their faces from the massive explosion. They couldn't see, and didn't want to. As the dust cleared, the bird had vanished. Somewhere, under slabs of concrete and pieces of pavement, lay their friend.

* * *

The Titans immediately started to carefully uncover the wreckage. Debris was everywhere. The buildings were left in shambles. None of the Titans dared to speak anything but call her name. All, even optimistic Starfire, believed her to be dead. After all, Raven had just been caught in an explosion, and buried under an entire building. 

Tears glistened freely in Starfire's eyes as she lifted the largest pieces of concrete away. They were used to their teammates being hurt; they were superheroes after all, and that was part of their job. But this time… She sobbed softly, but none of the others came to comfort her. She knew they didn't want to face each other. She figured they might be crying too.

Cyborg angrily threw the pieces of concrete away. It wasn't her fault… no, Raven hadn't murdered him. It wasn't her fault. She shouldn't have come… Why hadn't he stopped her? Why had he not realized she wouldn't have been able to handle it? He listened to the sound of the concrete smashing, giving him the slightest satisfaction.

Beast Boy morphed into several animals, trying to discover which would be most effective at lifting the heavy chunks of cement and pavement. Elephant, rhinoceros, grizzly bear, triceratops, falcon… "This would be so much easier if I had arms or something," he muttered. He couldn't push the masses of concrete, as the slightest touch could cave in on Raven in case she was… still alive…

Robin showed no emotion. He was good at that. The mask helped… He couldn't bring himself to believe Raven had just killed a man. Or that she was… He couldn't finish the thought. Why had it happened? Why had she fallen into such a state?

Robin caught a glimpse of indigo, Raven's cape. He ever so gently lifted away the large chunks of debris. He didn't know why he didn't immediately call the others over. _Selfishness_. But how was he being selfish? And why?

An overwhelming flood of emotions came over him as he uncovered the girl. He had managed to get through the concrete that buried her, throwing the pieces surrounding the area, making short walls around the two of them.

"Raven," he whispered softly. He felt his heart racing, and an overwhelming sadness caught in his throat. He put his head to her chest, listening for vital signs.

She was breathing softly, with difficulty, and her heart was still beating. She was unconscious. He gently lifted her, his arms supported her neck and under her legs, cradling her.

"Raven… I'm so sorry… I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry for being a jerk lately." He pressed his forehead against her gentle face. "I've been… trying to figure out why I've been acting this way. You do something to me, Raven. You make me feel a certain way. Vulnerable, really… more than I ever have before. But it's more than that…"

He held her body closer to his. He closed his eyes. He gently caressed her face, overcome with feelings. "Raven… I think I-"

"Robin!" Starfire's voice shouted. "Robin! You have found her!" Footsteps were heard, as Beast Boy and Cyborg made their way over. Robin stood up, carefully holding the fragile girl.

"Way to ruin a moment," he muttered to himself. "Yeah, she's still alive. Let's get her to the hospital wing straight away," he ordered, as Cyborg took her from his arms.

They carefully walked around the debris in silence. "It's a good thing the T-car wasn't caught in the blast," Beast Boy said, finally speaking. Nobody replied. "…Okay then…" he said, shrinking back.

Cyborg gently placed Raven's limp form in the back seat of the T-car. Robin sat next to her, her head in his lap. Beast Boy morphed into his sweetest kitten form and curled up beside her. Star sat in the front beside Cyborg, who was at the wheel.

Robin stared at her violet hair. It was beautiful… He absentmindedly began to stroke it, as he watched her pretty face for signs of consciousness. He gazed at her long, dark lashes, and wished they would flutter open. He glanced at her lips, wishing he could—

"And _why_ are you touching the hair of Raven like that?" Starfire demanded. Robin jumped, realizing Starfire's bright green eyes were staring right at him. He hadn't even noticed he had been stroking her hair…

"I, uh, was checking her temperature," he said.

"With your gloves on?"

"Uh…" The green kitten stared at him, eyes huge. It smiled at him. "Stop that!"

"How's she doing?" Cyborg asked. Robin took off his gloves and felt her temperature.

"Definitely not good," he replied. "She's really, really warm. Definitely high fever…"

"So she's sick then?" Cyborg asked, worriedly.

"Mew," the green kitty sounded quietly with a sad tone. His head gently rubbed against Raven's arm.

"Guys… this is bad," Cyborg said.

"When did you figure that out," Robin said sarcastically.

"Before you!" Cyborg retorted. "You didn't see what was happening to her. You didn't notice she was sad. You've been ignoring her, pushing her away, hurting her! It went on for months, even! And you didn't realize she was getting worse. I bet it's all your fault!"

"What!"

"Please, friends!" Starfire cried meekly.

"How can it be _my_ fault? You're delirious, Cyborg. Anyway, it's not like I was _that_ harsh…" He was greeted by three glares.

"Yo, Robin. Remember the whole Starfire speech thing-a-ma-hoozie? The whole 'mind is sick means body is sick' thing? …Well, we're back," Cyborg stated, as they parked in the garage. They got out of the T-car, and rushed Raven into the emergency wing.

Cy lay her down, and started hooking up medical equipment to the frail girl. She had a ghostly look to her.

"How long d'you think she'll be like this for?" Beast Boy asked.

"I really couldn't tell you," Cyborg said quietly. "Might get better, might…" he trailed off. He couldn't stand to think about that.

"It _will_ get better," Robin said gravely. His brow was furrowed; his hands were clenched.

"And how do you know this?" Starfire asked. "Do you have the ESP?"

Robin shook his head. "No, it's just… well it has to…" the others watched in disbelief. For once, Robin was lost for words. He turned towards the fragile girl. "Raven… I'm sorry…" his voice was full of sorrow, as it cracked slightly.

He knelt by her side, head on her bedside. He put his bare hand over hers, feeling them strangely cold for her having such a high fever. "I'm so sorry…"

* * *

Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire sat in the huge lounge-area. Cyborg had dragged them out, saying Robin needed some time. They had never seen him like this before. He hadn't even noticed as they left; the others wondered whether the mask concealed tears. 

"Why can we not just observe?" Starfire asked, sitting beside the other two who were playing a racing video game.

"Because Robin needs time alone," Cyborg said exasperatedly, having repeated himself many times already.

"But he's not alone," Beast Boy said slyly. "He's with Raven."

"You know what I mean," Cyborg sighed. 'Game over', the screen read, the green ship defeated.

"Aw, man," Beast Boy pouted, throwing the controller onto the ground and getting up. "I'll start on dinner."

"You know what really cheers me up? Meat. Not fake meat! Meat," Cyborg said, getting up as well.

"Oh, Cyborg, do not be so hard on Beast Boy's artificial meat! It is not so bad. He is getting quite good at the cooking of a substitute for the animal flesh," Starfire said.

"Ew. So, uh, why is Robin acting like this?" Beast Boy asked, cutting tofu into cubes. "I mean, I know Raven's in rough shape, but Robin's never taken it this personally before…"

"Perhaps it is because it is his own fault," Starfire offered. "He contributed to the sadness of Raven, did he not?"

"Yeah, that's right," Cyborg said. "I'm still not gonna eat tofu, BB. But it could be a lot of things. Maybe it's because he ordered her to take that position. Or because he wasn't very nice to her before. Or this is the first time someone close to him has been so close to death. Or maybe he _likes_ Raven," he suggested casually, grinning.

"NO!" Starfire said angrily, pounding on the table, sending the tofu cubes flying. "He does not _like_ her!" Her eyes glowed green.

Cy and BB both sweat-dropped. "Whoa. Um… okay," Beast Boy said, shrinking back. "Sure. Doesn't like her, gotcha."

"I am glad you have 'gotten me'," she said, crossing her arms. Beast Boy sighed, as he bent over to pick up tofu cubes from the floor.

"Anyone up for pizza?" he asked, throwing the white cubes one by one into the garbage.

"Yeah! Meatzza pizza!" Cyborg shouted, pumping his fist in the air, throwing a bit of enthusiasm into the atmosphere. The enthusiasm evaporated faster than Beast Boy could morph into an octopus (which was pretty darn fast – he had mastered that thing), leaving an empty awkward silence. Cyborg swore he could hear his voice echo in that huge, empty room. It definitely seemed bigger without the other two.  
"I'll go pick some up," he muttered quietly, exiting.

"So… Starfire… what's up?" Beast Boy casually asked. He knew they were both itching to go back and see what Robin was up to.

"Oh, nothing… nothing at all…" she glanced around, making sure Cyborg had left. He soon caught glimpse of the T-car, heading in the direction of the pizza parlour.

"Shall we?" Beast Boy grinned. "He's gone…"

"Yes!" Starfire squealed. "Let us make haste in finding out what Robin is doing!" They swiftly yet quietly crept to outside the infirmary. Starfire hovered quietly outside in the hall, while Beast Boy took the form of a mouse and crept inside.

"…And Raven, I don't know what came over me. I… I can't believe this is happening… and it's all my fault… all my fault…" Star could only hear his voice, distressed and upset. It was quiet, but she could hear since the entire building was silent. The mouse could see the distraught boy caressing Raven's pale face. Beast Boy softly scurried to another corner, getting a clear view of Robin's face. A salty tear splashed down his normally brave and confident face. "Raven…" The little green mouse almost squeaked in astonishment and shock, and darted out of the room.

Starfire caught sight of the mouse running out, and watched as it attempted to gesture for them to leave. She flew, following the mouse all the way back to the living room.

"What was it you did see?" she asked as soon as they were back in the room.

"Uhh…" Beast Boy wasn't sure what to tell her. "He was just, upset. Cyborg was right, he needed time alone." He was definitely _not_ going to tell her about the cheek caressing. And the crying… he wouldn't tell Starfire about that either. It was a pride thing.

"I'm ba-ack!" Cyborg said, prancing into the room with two steaming pizza boxes. The aroma filled the room. "I got you 'veggie-tofu surprise'…. And for me 'meaty-meat surprise'!"

"Lovely…" Beast Boy said, not touching the pizza. Starfire happily munched on the veggie-tofu pizza, but he just couldn't get the image out of his mind. A single tear, trickling down from behind the mask… The gloveless hand, tremblingly caressing her pale face… The way his voice overflowed with emotions of regret and sorrow…

"You alright?" Cyborg frowned. "You seem…"

"Shaken. Yeah."

"Er, how is the meat pizza?" Starfire interrupted.

"Meaty-licious," Cyborg said nonchalantly. "Hey, um, Star? Don't you, uhh have to… go to the bathroom or something?"

Starfire cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, uh… you have tomato sauce on your face!" Beast Boy said quickly. She squeaked and flew away in the direction of the bathroom.

"So, you were saying…" Cyborg urged him to continue.

"I think… there's more to it than Raven being like this," Beast Boy said. "I don't know. It's just… I think you might have been right."

"Right? About what?" Cyborg asked.

"I think he might have feelings for Raven," he said simply. Cyborg's jaw dropped.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, he, uh… he was really upset…" Beast Boy said. "He… was… crying," he finished, mouthing the last word.

"Ooh… It's cool, man. But… yeah, that's really not good. What about Starfire?"

"Well yeah, that's why it's so bad. Obviously Starfire likes Robin. But… if Robin likes Raven instead… doesn't like Starfire back—"

"Friends, I saw no sauce!" Starfire barged into the room. She tilted her head to the side. "What about my back?"

"It's… uh… very nice," Cyborg said, awkwardly. "You have a nice, strong back."

"Well thank you, friend Cyborg," she smiled. "I am liking your back as well." Cyborg and Beast Boy simultaneously sighed with relief. They stared at each other, exchanging looks of worry. They each grabbed another slice of pizza.

"Let us be sure to save something for Robin," Starfire said.

Cyborg nodded. "He doesn't have much left…"

* * *

"Raven. I want to help you… I know what you're doing to me, know finally the feeling I can't begin to express… I've never felt this way before." He came in closer, gently stroking her beautiful hair. 

"Raven… I love you," he whispered. "I've never felt this kind of love before. Never felt true love… and I don't know how this will affect the two of us… or the Teen Titans… but I can't pretend or hide from it. I've never been so great with words, so I guess it's good you're not hearing me… but I needed to tell myself this. And I wanted you to know, however you'll take it."

He felt her feverish forehead. One of his own tears fell and stained her cloak. "Rae, this is all my fault. So I'm begging you… give your sickness to me instead," he said. "Let me take away your pain. Give me your poison, because it's my fault."

He gently kissed her soft lips, his mind screaming as his stomach lurched. It was working – he could feel Raven's sickness coursing through him. Her illness was running through his veins, tainting his body.

Raven's dark lashes fluttered open; the sweet taste of passion still lingered on her lips. "Robin…" she murmured, still having just escaped the clutches of sleep. She suddenly remembered what had taken place, vivid images flashing in her mind. "What have you done?"

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**

Hope you enjoyed! Leave me a review please, and tell me your thoughts! Thanks!

Penguin Pop


	5. Red and Black

Wow, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Your continual support definitely pushes me to write…

To each their own opinion about pairings…

With the "Spell-O" game, I actually did use a Scrabble board. The points and words are accurate. Heheh. Geek moment.

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

_Chapter Five: Red and Black_

"Robin!" she whispered. "Robin, no!" Raven sat up, the boy lying in her arms. His normally strong body was weak and limp. He shifted slightly, looking her in the eyes.

"Raven…" he murmured weakly. "How are you feeling?"

"I… Robin, you shouldn't have!" she looked bewildered.

"Really… it's no problem…"

"No, it is! You really shouldn't have. Stop trying to be the hero all the time," she said, a little more harshly than she had intended. She continued, more softly. "You don't understand… You haven't cured me. You haven't done anything… just caused pain for yourself. There is no virus. No disease. Just my powers. Just me… I'm destroying myself somehow… And you can't stop it," she said sadly.

Robin frowned. "Why? I don't understand," he whispered.

"Because… I…" Her words got stuck in her throat. She forced them out. "Robin, I can't love you," she said, tearfully. It hurt her so deeply to say it. But she couldn't put him in danger… She was dangerous.

He stared at her for a few moments. A few really long moments, seeming like eternity. "Well, this is awkward…" he muttered, struggling to get up but was too weak to lift himself out of her arms.

"No, you don't understand," she said, more gently. "People get hurt if they get too close to me. Robin, I almost destroyed the world!"

"But you didn't, did you. You… saved it…" Raven put a hand to his burning forehead. A cold, refreshing tear fell onto his face.

"Robin… I can't. What about Starfire?" she asked, quick to change the subject.

"Star… is my friend. Our friend. And she'll realize it's for the better…"

She frowned. "Robin. How can you do this to her? How can you be so in love with her one day, and the next with an entirely different girl?"

"Because I wasn't…" His words came out slowly with much thought put into each. Raven looked at him quizzically. "I thought I loved her. I really did. She's beautiful, kind, understanding… And I wanted to love her. It gave me security. I knew she loved me, and that I wouldn't be hurt. So I told myself I loved her… and believed it," he explained to both her and himself. He was still figuring it out for himself.

"Raven, I didn't _want_ to love you. For the longest time, I denied I could even possibly _like_ you. But… love has a way of exposing the truth… I didn't want to love you because I knew it would be difficult. I convinced myself I loved Starfire… but really had never known true love. It was a crush. She was everything I could want… but still not real love. Raven… moments ago I realized I loved you. And moments ago, I found out what true love feels like. No matter the problems that arise, the challenges to come from it, I will still love you, and nothing will change that. I couldn't stop if I wanted to."

"Wow. The only thing that can deceive the Boy Wonder is himself," she said, voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. "And you just used the word 'love', or the past participle of it, thirteen times. Plus phrases such as 'true love' and 'love has a way of exposing the truth'. Beyond sappy. Pathetic, even." She stopped herself. Now was not the time for her cynicism. She tried a smile, but it didn't quite work. It was more of a not-scowl. Good enough. "That was sweet though. I guess. I wish I could tell you the same…"

"Please… tell me why not," he said, on the brink of drifting off into a fevered slumber.

"Because… because I'm scared," she said softly. She was tired too, though not physically. Her mind was weary. "I'm scared."

"It's okay… to be scared…" he whispered. "I'm afraid too."

"What of?" she asked. She could predict the cliché answer approaching.

"Of losing you," he said quietly, both proving her prediction right and surprising her by making it sound so genuine and sweet.

Another tear trailed down her cheek and onto his face. "Sorry," she said, quivering slightly. She laughed both softly and harshly at the same time. "I'm an emotional train wreck, aren't I."

Robin smiled. "Yep. But it's okay. About time you let your emotions out…"

Raven smiled back to humour him, although did so weakly. "You're really sick… you should rest…" she started, but realized he was already asleep.

The boy she had long yearned for had kissed her. He had taken her illness (she had to admit she felt a lot better. Physically, anyway). He loved her, and was sleeping in her arms… And now she was rejecting him. She reluctantly slid her arm out from underneath him, tucking him into the bed meant for her. _'A lonely heart is better than a broken one,'_ she reassured herself, though she found herself thoroughly unconvinced.

* * *

"Starfire, sorry, but 'glrrnxt' isn't in the English dictionary…" Cyborg said. "You miss your turn. Beast Boy, your turn." 

Beast Boy stared at the Spell-O game board with its many coloured squares and lettered tiles sitting upon it. _'Hmm…'_ he thought to himself. He then looked down at his own letters_. 'A-M-D-L-H-C-O-T,'_ he read in his mind. _'Amdlhcot? Cothldm? Ohldmc? Tldg. Acoh. Docmt.' _He pondered for a long while, trying to make a word.

"Hurry up, BB," Cyborg said impatiently.

"I'm thinking, dude. Genius at work," was the automatic response. After several more minutes, he shouted "Aha! Got it!"

He carefully put down a tile adjacent to an 'I'. "Ha! 'It'," he said, triumphantly.

"Excellent!" Starfire grinned. "You are quite skilled at this 'Spell-O' game, Beast Boy!"

"Er… two points," Cyborg said, sighing. They had been at it for a couple hours now… he looked down at the board. "Seat. Me. The. Hit. Sad. Lid. To. Toe. Be. Bet. Let. It," he read off, in the order they had played them. He then looked at the scores. "Me – twenty-seven. Beast Boy – twenty-nine. Starfire – … zero. This is just sad, guys."

"I'm winning!" Beast Boy grinned.

"Yeah… with twenty-nine. Robin usually has in the hundreds by now, and Raven is usually in the three-hundreds…" Cyborg said.

"Yes, I recall Raven won last time with the word 'alomancy'. She made 'area' and 'scary' as well, and it was located on two of the triple word squares and one of the double letter squares... It was worth exactly two hundred and thirty-six points," Starfire grinned. "She is very good, yes?"

"I doubt that was even in the dictionary," Beast Boy mumbled.

Cyborg laughed. "That's what Robin said when he lost."

"She said it was a type of the divination," Starfire said. "Where the diviner throws salt crystals either into the air or a fire and is then to interpret the patterns they make."

"Why do you memorise these things…" Beast Boy wondered. "And how?"

"Oh, I do not know. Perhaps it was because I saw Raven smiling so much after winning the game, and having, as you say, 'whooped' Robin."

Cyborg and Beast Boy couldn't help but smirk and snigger. "And now I'm whooping you guys!" Beast Boy laughed. "Or at least, beating you. Winnin' by two points!"

"Beast Boy's winning? That's depressing," a voice said behind them. They jumped.

"Raven!" Starfire squealed. "How are you feeling? Why are you out of bed? Where is Robin? Do you wish to join us?" she asked in a rapid flurry of questions.

"Uh… I'm better. A bit sore from being buried under a pile of concrete and stuff, but… I'm not sick. So, felt like getting out of bed. Robin… is the one who cured me," she said slowly. She didn't know up; she knew they had _those_ faces on. The dumbstruck ones with their mouths hanging wide open and you could practically _see_ the question marks floating above their heads.

"The thing is… Robin sort of stole it from me. He took my illness… and now has it. He's asleep right now. My powers somehow enabled him to do it… See, my powers were sort of what caused me to become sick in the first place," she explained. "If you hadn't noticed, I haven't exactly been… cheerful. Not that I've ever really been, but…" the others nodded simultaneously like bobble-head dolls, understanding.

"I wanted something… and couldn't reach it… And now that I've reached it, I can't let myself have it," she said softly. "So, you see, he hasn't really cured me - he's only temporarily fixed it. I can't get out of it. I'm trapped. My powers will destroy me. I'm destroying myself…" she confessed sadly.

Silence followed. "Why can't you let yourself have what it is you want?" Beast Boy asked cautiously.

She shook her head. "I just can't. It'll hurt me. And all of you…"

"But Rae," Cyborg said. "Your sadness is hurting everyone too…"

She gave a soft smile. "Come on. Let's play Spell-O, shall we? We can't possibly have Beast Boy win…"

* * *

Raven sighed, stirring the pot. She sincerely hoped Beast Boy, Cyborg and Starfire were okay fighting without her. Of course they were, she laughed inwardly. They were more than capable. They were quite honestly better off without her for the time being. She frowned at the contents on the inside of the pot. "Gross," she said, as the soup stuck to her ladle like slime. "So much for thoughtful, home-made soup…" She poured the soup out, into the sink. The soup slowly oozed down the drain, as she watched it with fascination. 

She had no idea what time it was. Late, she figured, from the darkness revealed by the windows. It was hours after the riveting game of Spell-O, which she had managed to win even halfway into the game by almost two hundred points. It had been too long since her last shower, she decided, and decided to bathe.

She kept the water cold. In a slightly masochistic way, she was punishing herself yet found it refreshing. She thoroughly washed her indigo hair and scrubbed herself clean. She then dried herself in a mechanical way, then decided to put on some of the clothes she had bought with Starfire at the mall.

She wanted to show Starfire that she indeed would wear some of the outfits she had purchased with her, and besides, she wasn't going to need her costume. She wouldn't be fighting for a while. That's what she told herself, anyway, as she tried to shove the concept of impressing Robin back out of her mind. She looked at herself in the slightly cloudy mirror, though, realising she was not even close to being pretty. Definitely not sexy. Even though she was cured, she still looked a bit ill. Her face looked a bit hollow, either from her sadness or her starving herself.

The skirt she had bought was now considerably looser. "Good," she said, pulling her top on. She had his attention, so why did she still starve herself? Maybe she wasn't hungry, and had lost her appetite for a long time. Maybe in some perverse way she liked watching the others' reactions, or liked doing it to herself. Maybe she didn't know when to stop. Maybe she couldn't.

She clipped her hair with the gem-encrusted hair clip she'd gotten at the mall. She swiftly traced her eyes with kohl, then applied an eerie red eye shadow to her lids. Not like she was going anywhere. Just… for fun, maybe. No, Raven didn't have fun. She knew why she was doing it, but didn't at the same time. She was the one denying him, not the other way around.

She walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen area. She watched the water boil, then added a package of Insta-Soup to it. She stirred it almost lovingly, however scowled at it slightly when the noodles stuck to the bottom, burnt. She shrugged. "Soup sucks, anyway."

* * *

Robin slowly opened his eyes to see her. Raven. The splitting image of beauty. Well, now, anyway, for she wore a beautiful smile. Not forced. Not fake. It was slight, but natural. Her face was less hollow and her weariness seemed to fade when such a rare event occurred. He blinked, slowly realising she wasn't in costume. She stood at the doorway in a sleeveless black top and a red skirt, complete with black boots. Her hair was clipped so that strands of her indigo hair fell in her pale face in just the right way. The clip was encrusted with jewels that matched the one in her forehead, and the same ruby hue was smudged around the outer edges of her dark eyes. 

"Stop teasing," he said, once remembering he couldn't have her. She had done it just to spite him, hadn't she. She feigned confusion. Cruel girl.

"Brought you some water," she said, about to hand him the water. She then seemed to think again, and gently forced his head up and brought the cup to his lips. "Sorry… no glasses. Just cups."

"I guess I can forgive you," he said. He spoke quietly, strained. He could hardly focus on what she was saying.

"You alright?" she asked, noticing him shivering like mad. Her lips spoke nonchalantly, but her eyes said otherwise.

"Fine," he muttered. He didn't want to be weak in front of her. He couldn't allow it.

"You're brave, you know," she said, reading his mind.

"I had to try… Your immune system was weakened – but I could have fought it off…"

"I mean, Robin, you're brave to like me," she said softly. She sat on the bed and gently stroked his feverish forehead.

"Why… are you doing this?" he asked a few minutes later, just barely above a whisper.

"Doing what?" she asked, innocently enough.

"Come off it, Rae," he said. He could barely concentrate on stringing sentences together, let alone stop his teeth from chattering.

"Well someone's gotta take care of you. And seeing as I'm completely useless and dangerous fighting, I'm stuck here. So, you know…" her voice was in its usual dull tone.

"Why the outfit?" he asked. His head was swimming, her red and black ensemble blurring in his eyes.

"I wanted to show Star appreciation… and, you know, it's not like I'm going to be needing my costume for a while…"

"It's… red…" he mumbled, his mind blanking. "And black…"

"Good for you," she said with false enthusiasm. She was relentless. Even when he was sick…

"They work well together," he said, pulling the covers up further. "…They look good. Like us…"

"Feeling pretty today?" she laughed.

"Red… and black. Me… and you. And I think you were thinking it subconsciously," he said with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. "Cocky little…"

"Please, Raven. Tell me…" She looked at his pale sweating face. He was shaking and she could feel it. And he was pleading with her…

"Tell you what?" she asked. A bit of warmth had returned to her voice.

"Tell me why you're here. Sitting on my bed…"

Reasons of just bringing him water, or just checking to see if he was still alive, or that the bed _was_ actually meant for her, sprang to mind and almost came out. She swallowed them, though, and thought a bit.

"I'm here… because I am your friend. And… I want to be more than that. But I can't," she said. "Part of me says I can't risk ruining our friendship and everyone else's." She laughed slightly in a self-depreciative way. "Of course, that's a small part of me, because I'm selfish. Another part of me wants to just give in, make myself happy. But most of me says that I can't do that, because it'll hurt me in the end," she said sadly.

"My powers make it impossible to love… I have to rid myself of emotion. And… love is pretty much that. You can't love without feelings. And… I can't get rid of them, but I have to try. Otherwise, I'll destroy everything. Robin, you see how I'm destroying myself. It's because of you. My powers aren't under control. It nearly killed me. And… they're hurting you," she said softly.

"My powers are good, sometimes. I can help fight crime. I can save people. I can help my friends. But they are bad, too, a lot of times. They created this illness. They killed a man, ripping out his heart. And now… they won't let me love you. I'm sorry…"

"You're afraid," he stated.

She stared at him. "Yes."

He smiled slightly, to the best of his ability. "Ever consider the possibility that loneliness will hurt more?" he asked quietly.

She stared at him. "Sadness is an emotion too… and it's destructive. Look at yourself. Sadness, unlike your powers, is never good. Never good, unless it can teach someone how important things like love are," he said. "I'm here… if you need me… and always will be…"

"I'm glad you're here," he whispered. "I think I needed you…"

He was shivering violently. It pained her to watch him suffer like this. She placed a hand on his forehead, feeling it burning. "You're so hot," she stated.

He managed a smile. "You're not bad-looking yourself…" he muttered, drifting off into yet another fevered sleep. She lay down on the bed beside him, pulling the covers up around him. She gently placed her arms protectively around him as she had done earlier that day in that same bed.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she promised, stroking his hair. "And I'll let you know that I need you now more than you need me," she whispered.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER! 

Tell me what you thought! Thanks!

- Penguin Pop


	6. Heart Attack

_Thanks for the reviews! So fast too! They were really sweet._

_Oh and… question that just occurred to me. How do they get to and from their tower with the T-car and R-cycle, being on an island?_

_And no, by "Heart Attack" (title of chapter) I do not mean a myocardial infarction._

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

_Chapter Six: Heart Attack_

* * *

"Man, that was a sweet fight," Beast Boy said, as they returned from saving the day, exhausted. "Cy punched him, then I smacked him with my T-rex tail, and then Star shot him from above and _blasted_ him into the ground!" he grinned, providing hand gestures as well. 

"Yeah… Hope Rob's doin' okay," Cyborg said quietly. They were going to the infirmary to check on him.

"How exactly was my Robin able to contract the bad illness? How did he contract it from friend Raven?" Starfire asked. The two flinched at the word "my".

"She said it was her powers or something," Beast Boy said. "I dunno. Her powers are weird…"

"No, I do know that it was by the assistance of her powers. But… how was it he took it from her? Did he ask for it? The bad sickness? Did she let him? She wanted him to?" Starfire's voice was on the verge of hysteria.

"I don't think Raven would've ever _wanted _him to do it. I don't think she would've let him if she'd had the choice," Beast Boy said.

"But Robin's a stubborn guy. He likes to play the hero. And he really does care for her," Cyborg explained.

"I see," she said, slightly frostily.

"No, no," Beast Boy said, reassuring her. "Just a frie—oof!" He had just walked into Cyborg, who had opened the door to the infirmary and abruptly stopped in his tracks.

"Dude! Move!" Beast Boy said. He was directly behind Cyborg, who was blocking the entrance. He obstructed their view and kept them from going in. Beast Boy attempted to shove the much larger and heavier teen but had no luck.

"What is it, friend Cyborg?" Starfire asked. She stood behind Beast Boy.

"Star, go… go make Robin some soup, will ya?" he asked, still not moving.

"Of course, friend Cyborg," she said, and flew back towards the kitchen.

As soon as the girl was out of sight, Cyborg moved aside so Beast Boy could see. Beast Boy's jaw dropped, both of their eyes were wide as saucers. Beast Boy let out a high pitched noise of some sort.

Robin and Raven lay together in the same bed, intertwined. They both lay sideways, facing one another. She had her arms around him, one underneath him and one across his chest. Her head was nested against his chest. One leg was gracefully stretched out, the other was bent, her knee touching Robin's covered leg.

The sheets covered him from waist down, but looked as if they'd been a bit higher before. He was still in full costume, mask and all. The sheets and costume reserved privacy… at least as much could be conserved in such a position.

"Raven… is wearing… a skirt!" Beast Boy finally uttered. Cyborg rolled his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, that's a bit strange… but if you hadn't noticed, she's - literally - sleeping with Robin!" Cyborg almost shouted.

Cyborg could almost see question marks hovering above Beast Boy's head. "Guh?" His eyes widened even further, emitted a higher-pitched squeak and ran in the other direction, following Starfire.

"Man, someone's slow…" Cyborg muttered, watching his green friend run down the hall.

"C-Cyborg?" a voice said slowly. It was Robin.

"You're awake," Cyborg stated. "Sorry… did we wake you?"

"It's okay," Robin said.

"You look awful…"

"Thanks," Robin said, though he couldn't quite muster enough sarcasm into it.

Cyborg looked around for a thermometer. "So… had a good sleep?" he asked, slightly suggestively.

"Yeah…" he said, not catching the intonation. "Raven made it better," he told him. Yes, Robin was definitely sick. There was no way he would have admitted that, especially to him.

Cyborg had found the thermometer. "Open your mouth."

"You want to know?" Robin asked, too tired to smirk though.

Cyborg anxiously watched the numbers rise rapidly on the digital thermometer. He felt his muscles tense as the temperature climbed past 100 degrees. He stopped watching the thermometer, looking at Raven. She had a peaceful aura to her. She seemed… happy. He smiled slightly despite the fact he knew the thermometer was still rising.

Robin found the metal in his mouth increasingly uncomfortable. "Mm."

"Yeah, I know. Just hold on a bit longer," Cyborg said, warmth clearly evident in his voice. He continued to look at the two. He wondered whether Raven would still be so… nurturing… after Robin got better.

_Beeeeep._ The digital thermometer announced the temperature had stopped rising. Reluctantly, Cyborg looked at the temperature. "104.6," he read, shocked. "Robin, that's _waaay_ too high. We should take you to the emergency room or at least a doctor... Can't really high fevers cause brain damage or something? Well, I mean, that's like after it's 106 or whatever, but still-"

"A hospital can't do anything," Robin said, voice strained. "Or a doctor. It's not a normal illness. Raven." He paused, taking a break. "She knows more about it than anyone would. It was her powers that created it," he said.

"Her powers did this to you?" he asked, confused.

"No… they did it to _her_. They just let me take it from her," he explained. He was too tired to explain further. His own words weren't even making sense in his mind.

"How?" Cyborg asked.

"I asked," he said, matter-of-factly.

Cyborg cocked an eyebrow. "Okay."

"Raven's a good friend," he said quietly.

"Yeah, she is," Cyborg agreed.

"Last night… I was lonely… so she told me she would stay," he said, smiling slightly. "She said she would be here for me."

Cyborg suddenly saw Robin as a child, not the arrogant leader of the Titans. A shiver ran down his spine.

"It was really nice of her," Robin said. He spoke slowly.

"Yeah, that was, wasn't it," Cyborg said.

"She doesn't normally act like this, does she," he asked, trying to remember through the haze of his mind.

"No… she doesn't. You're very special to her, Robin," he said serenely.

Robin smiled slightly. "She doesn't love me though." He spoke not remorsefully, nor angrily. He had no energy to put any emotion into it.

"Oh… er…" Cyborg was at loss for words.

"Raven's a good friend…" Robin was smiling.

"You're so delirious," Cyborg said, laughing a bit.

"Heh, yeah…" Robin smiled. Cyborg smirked.

"I'm so cold," the smaller boy mumbled. Cyborg noticed he was shivering. His teeth were chattering slightly.

Cyborg opened his mouth to say something, but heard footsteps. Oh no, he'd forgotten… "Rae," he said, desperately. "Raven!"

"Mmm?" She lazily opened one eye. "Cyborg?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's me. Raven, you've got to get up before-"

**_Crash_.**

Soup spilled all over the floor; the ceramic bowl had shattered. Starfire stood in the doorway, shocked.

Raven immediately sat up, untangling herself from the blankets and Robin. She froze like a deer in headlights. "Starfire-"

"Raven," Starfire interrupted, her voice dripping with venom. Her eyes were starting to glow dangerously.

Raven's eyes were glazed over with fear. "No, it's not-"

"I must speak with you," she said. Her voice was colder than ice.

Raven looked at Cyborg, who was cowering in a corner. She didn't dare look beside her. "Okay," she said, finally.

Starfire flew towards the dormitories. Raven followed. There was a long, uncomfortable silence, until Starfire finally slowed and came to the ground. She turned around, facing Raven.

"You," Starfire seethed, looking down at the shorter girl.

"Please, Star. Let me explain myself…"

"I need not an explanation. Let me speak without your interruptions. On Tamaran, there isno word for you," she said quietly. Raven said nothing. Was it just her, or was Star's voice shaking with rage? Maybe that was Raven's own body trembling with fright. This couldn't be happening…

"On Earth, you are called…" Starfire paused.

"A _slut_."

Raven's jaw dropped. "Star-"

"One who sleeps with another girl's boyfriend," she continued, confirming she knew what she was talking about.

"You don't understand-"

"I understand perfectly well," Starfire said. Her voice was glacial. Raven could tell that Starfire _did_ understand the difference between figuratively and literally sleeping with someone.

"Look, Robin is sick…" Raven said desperately.

"Because of you!" Starfire accused. "You let. My Robin. Become ill," she said. Her eyes were gleaming menacingly.

"I—"

"You wanted my Robin to save you!"

"No!" Raven shouted.

"You are a selfish girl. You gave your sickness to him and then took advantage of his condition. Did you _kiss_ my Robin?" she demanded.

"I… yes, but-"

"The meeting of lips – a kiss – must be earned. You are selfish, and did not deserve it," Starfire hissed.

"Starfire, I didn't want him to-"

"Do not blame him," she said icily. "This is your fault, Raven. You starved yourself, thinking you would be more beautiful. You wanted my Robin to look at you. You made yourself sick, so my Robin would feel sorry for you."

"No…" Raven's voice was strained. Starfire didn't know what she was talking about! She didn't have all the facts. But…

"Raven, I wish to no longer speak with you," Starfire said, her voice wavering dangerously. Her fists were shaking. Her green eyes glowed with hatred. Her forced calm was broken.

"You do not deserve Robin!" she screamed finally, and hurled a starbolt with all her might directly at Raven.

Raven, caught by surprise, had no time to defend and was hit full force by the bolt into the wall. Her body left an imprint in the concrete, causing cracks to form and bits of the wall to crumble.

She collapsed, sinking to a sitting position. "Let me explain," she said feebly.

"I do not want to hear your excuses, Raven," she said maliciously. "_You are pathetic_."

Raven watched helplessly as Starfire flew to her room. Pain was coursing through her body. A bit of concrete fell, hitting her on the head. "Ow." This was just perfect.

She sat there, paralysed. She wasn't sure if she was physically incapable of moving after the blast, which left a huge shattered imprint directly above where she now sat, or if it was the shocking fact that Starfire was so angry with her.

Half a second later, she figured it was the former. "Ugh…"

"Raven?" Beast Boy's voice could be heard from around the corner. "Rae? I heard a crash-" The green boy suddenly saw her and ran to her side. "Oh my gosh, Raven! What happened? Aah!" he was freaking out.

"I'm fine," she said, slightly dazedly. "Star's… a bit… angry," she explained, smiling.

Beast Boy winced. "She wouldn't have…"

"She did," she laughed.

"Oh, man, is anything broken? Can you walk? Can you move? Aah!"

"Calm down," she said, smiling. "I'm fine. A bit of difficulty… breathing," she said, then suddenly started to laugh.

"My gosh, Raven," Beast Boy said, shaking his head. "I'm going to get Cyborg right now. Don't move!"

She still laughed. "No need to worry about _that_," she said, grinning slightly. She was slightly hysterical…

She watched as Beast Boy transformed into a cheetah then ran towards the infirmary. Moments later he returned, Cyborg with him.

"God, Rae!" Cyborg exclaimed. "What happened?" He eyed the destroyed wall with an imprint directly above Raven. The cracks spread outwards like in a broken window. She sat there, back against the wall. Laughing.

"I had it," she said, still laughing. "For a few moments, I had it. I gave in and let myself have it. And this is what happened!"

"Raven…?" Cyborg started.

"Nope," she said. She grinned. She was acting like a child. "I'm Pathetic!" she laughed.

Beast Boy and Cyborg looked at each other. "That's what she told me, anyway!" she said, smiling. They winced.

"Come on, Rae," Cyborg said, finally. "It's almost three in the morning. Time for bed. BB, stay with Robin." He carefully picked the girl up, then carried her to her room.

* * *

"…Beast Boy? What happened?" Robin asked as the green boy came back. Robin had heard the crash from the infirmary. 

"It was… er… me, morphing into a T-rex and accidentally crashing into a wall," Beast Boy made up hastily. He knew this wouldn't be a good time to tell him. He laughed nervously. "I… tripped."

Beast Boy was a bad liar. Robin, however, did not seem to notice. "'Kay," he mumbled.

"So, um, how are you doing?" Beast Boy asked.

"I'm alright," he said. Beast Boy raised an eyebrow. He looked in terrible condition.

"How high fever?"

"104.6, I think Cyborg said," Robin said conversationally.

Beast Boy's other eyebrow rose to meet the other. "Dude! Not cool!"

Robin chuckled slightly. "Nope. Rather warm, actually."

Beast Boy laughed. "Well, glad your brain isn't fried yet. Still the same old Robin." He gave a smile, though Robin could detect sadness.

"Come on. Tell me. What's wrong?" Robin asked.

"Nothing," Beast Boy said a little too quickly. "Just worried about you, that's all."

"Mmmkay," Robin murmured. He was too exhausted to be observant.

* * *

_Dearest Diary,_

_I need you today. On this day, my heart was "broken". No, my Robin did not break up with me. I lost a dear friend. My girlfriend, as they call it here. Raven._

_My Robin – my sweet, beautiful, kind Robin – was used. Let me start from the beginning… Previously, I told you of the sadness I felt for ex-friend Raven after the fight, yes? When she was sick? (Do not worry. I do not feel that sadness anymore.) Well my Robin felt that sadness, but more. I have never seen my boy so worried or upset._

_Today, though, I realized just why Raven was sick. She wanted to be. That girl, if you can call that half-demon a girl, wanted my boy's sympathy. I did before tell you how I was concerned about how she would not eat. (I again feel that concern for her no longer.) That, I believe, is how she became sick (with the assistance of her powers, as she told us), and is also how she gained even more of my Robin's solace. _

_(Solace? Is that correct? I am wishing I had not made this promise to you, to use only the English terms to help me understand the language better. Explaining would be so much easier with Tamaranian terms.)_

_When my gentle, caring Robin was alone with her, feeling sad, she then took advantage of him. She used her powers to transfer her bad sickness into him. She is well now, though she does not deserve to be, and my beautiful boy is now ill._

_That wretched little devil then kissed my boy. Raven KISSED my Robin! Can you believe it? She then slept with my boy. She was touching him. She was holding him, embracing him. That awful witch. He is sick… He could not stop her. _

_Raven knows nothing of love. She does not understand it. She cannot. She will likely never. She does not understand that people do not like angry, depressed girls. People do not like to be hurt. She does too much of the hurting. _

_She hurt me deeply today. She is not who I thought she was. She is not my best friend. She cannot be a person. She deserves no sympathy. Especially not from my Robin. She has broken too many hearts. Hers should be returned the favour. _

_Oh, right. She has no heart._

_Goodbye, dearest Diary. I do not look forward to seeing friends Beast Boy or Cyborg. I do not wish to explain to them the hurt she has caused. I never want to see Raven again. _

_- Starfire_

* * *

He lay her on her bed, trying not to take notice of the broken statues in her room. "Cyborg?" 

He immediately noticed the change in voice. It was no longer the scary, insane laughter. But this was even more frightening. "Yeah, Rae?"

"Do you think I'm pathetic?" she asked meekly.

"No!" he said. "Of course not! Starfire didn't mean that," he reassured her. "And wasn't thinking when she blasted you into the wall…"

"I think she was," Raven said softly. "But I deserved it. Cyborg… Starfire's right. It is my fault that Robin's sick," she said, tears welling in her large violet eyes.

"Was not," Cyborg insisted. "Robin's gonna recover. He's strong."

"Do you think the Titans will break up because of me?" she asked. Tears were now streaming down her pale face.

'Of course not, Rae," Cyborg said, patting her on the back.

"Good… because the team, it's all that I've got," she whispered.

Cyborg felt like crying with her. "Yeah… we've been through a lot together. I couldn't imagine this team ever breaking up. We're friends, Rae. Good friends. Best friends. Friendship is a hard thing to break. It's tougher than Tamaranian meatloaf," he said with a smile. "Everything will turn out, like it always does."

"You promise?" she asked, looking at him with her wide, dark eyes. Her mascara was bleeding.

"I promise. 'Night, Raven."

He headed for the door, but stopped just before reaching it. "Oh, and Rae? Robin told me that you made him feel better," he said, smiling.

"Thanks, Cyborg," Raven said softly, watching the stream of light from the doorway narrow into nothingness.

Raven couldn't sleep; her wide eyes lay fixated on the ceiling above her. How could she have been so careless? So foolish? So weak…

She could hear voices in the hall. They were soft and muffled, but she could still make them out in the dead silence. "Cyborg," Beast Boy's voice said. "I found this on her bed. I, well, I didn't mean to read it… But it was left open on her bed. I didn't even know it was a diary, honest! I-"

"What does it say? Give it to me," she heard Cyborg say back. A long pause ensued, probably Cyborg reading it.

"No," Cy finally said. "This is bad. Really, really bad. Where is that girl, anyway?"

Raven could almost hear Beast Boy swallow. "She's left the Tower."

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**

Ugh. Yes, Star was a tad harsh. But really, she tends to be a _little_ protective of 'her boy' and honestly, who can blame her? Heheh, of course it's mostly Robin's fault…

Nice, long chapter. Now go on, if you had the time to read that chapter you should have the time to quickly write a review? Pretty please? Haha, now I just sound desperate.

_- Penguin Pop_


	7. Freedom

Yay! Thanks again for reviews… they mean a lot to me. I'm sure any writer knows how great they are… 

Do my updates take a long time because I'm busy? _Yes… A lot of my spare time goes into drawing… you can check out my DeviantArt site from my profile page._

Evanescence lyrics subtly hidden at the end of chapter 4? _Not consciously… I find it funny how many FF writers like Evanescence. Heh, angst lovers._

Were Robin and Starfire dating? _Er… not necessarily, they never officially SAID they were, but it doesn't actually matter. She still thought of him as 'her boy' and was still very possessive, and he acted _that way_ around her… (like in the series - she did ask if she was not his girlfriend… he never quite said 'yes' but it was close enough)._

_Oh yes, for Gamecube I recommend Tales of Symphonia – it has Scott Menville (Robin's voice actor) as the voice of the main character, Lloyd, and Tara Strong (Raven's voice actor) as another team member, Presea. Heheh, Robin voice…_

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

Chapter Seven: Freedom

* * *

Raven stood in front of the bathroom mirror, removing her makeup. It had smudged with tears…

She walked into the cold shower, expecting to feel more awake, but realized she was already wide-awake. She'd slept well. She wished she hadn't. She didn't deserve to sleep so well…

Why did she keep the water so cold? She thought about it again. She knew she was punishing herself, the question was why. '_Do I like it? No. Do I like being pitied? No. So why can't I stop…?'_

After she'd finished, she walked out of the freezing shower, shivering. She watched her skin go even paler, an amused expression fixed on her face. Her shivering subsided, and she began to dry her indigo hair.

She stared at the red fabric that lay on the counter… the outfit she'd chosen for today. As she slipped it on, she remembered trying it on in the large, swanky change room of _Zinnia's_. She then remembered she had, of course, been with Starfire when she had bought it. It was then that she realized she had subconsciously chosen to wear the outfit today out of guilt.

"_Oh, Raven! You look glorious!" Starfire had exclaimed. "I cannot believe you… are you!" Raven had rolled her eyes, but Star hadn't taken any notice. "Please, Raven! Please do the purchasing of the garment! It is simply splendid!"_

'_I cannot believe I bought this,'_ she thought to herself. It was a dress. Backless. And scarlet.

'_Dresses… are normal. Even if rather short. There is nothing that isn't normal about wearing a dress. It's not like it was expensive or fancy or anything,' _she reassured herself as she applied her eyeliner. _'And, so, it just happens to be a halter-style dress. I was not trying to impress anyone. Really. It just happened like that…'_

She was a little stumped, though, as to why she had chosen the red one. She remembered it had come in blue and black as well. _'I still like black. It… didn't look good? And I like blue. It's my favourite colour. I… wear too much of it? I needed a change…?_'

She couldn't convince herself, and her feeble attempts ran short. She knew she'd chosen the dress to impress. Red was _his_ favourite colour. At least it seemed to be. She turned in the mirror, tying up the back of her dress. She remembered having thought the ends of the large bow she'd tied that dangled and skimmed her bare back would have been annoying, but hadn't cared. She still didn't. It would be worth it, she'd thought. She had been gorgeous.

Well… She remembered thinking she _would_ be gorgeous in the dress after losing more weight.

Was she gorgeous now? She stared at her reflection long and hard. _No._ But what did _he_ think? A cold smirk swept across her face as she remembered Robin's reaction to her appearance about three weeks ago. Cool indifference. Then just last night… several pounds lighter… _"_Stop teasing_," _he'd said after she had dressed up. Did he like her better this way? It seemed he'd only taken an interest in her recently.

He had liked how Star looked. That was obvious. He'd liked her appearance even if he hadn't been "in love" with her. Star was very pretty… and very thin. Raven stared closer at her figure. She still wasn't svelte and lithe like Starfire. She looked emaciated and cadaverous. But, then again, maybe she just looked that way because all happiness had evaporated from her soul.

He likes me now. So why can't I be happy? 

Great, she was going to cry. She sat on the edge of the bathtub, drew her knees inwards towards her chest and let the tears come.

Her tears were cold, as was her entire body. She was shaking again as she had after her shower. It was pathetic, but she couldn't help herself. Even though she had everything she had ever hoped for, she felt hollow and alone again.

* * *

A long time passed - maybe an hour, maybe twenty minutes… maybe four hours. Raven didn't know. Time seemed to have frozen again as she slowly drowned herself. She was dying and time wasn't waiting for her to catch up. Each tear drained a little piece of her soul.

A knock at the door harshly brought her back to reality. "Raven?" She suddenly felt sick as she recognised the voice. She hastily wiped the tears from her face and tried to stop crying. She still shook, though, and the occasional sob escaped. _Control. Take control of your emotions_, she reminded herself, though found it near impossible. "Raven?" the voice came a little louder.

"Yeah?" she said, trying not to let her voice waver. She stood up and walked over to the sink, splashing water in her face.

"You alright in there?"

She stared briefly at her ghostly reflection, dripping with tears and tap water. She took a breath; she was gasping for air like a drowning child. "What are you doing out of bed, Robin?" Her voice seemed foreign to her. It was cold but so fragile…

"I, uh, kind of wanted to use the bathroom, but…"

A tinge of colour spread to her pale cheeks. How long had he been waiting? Had he heard her crying? How long had he waited, listening, before knocking on the door…?

"Sorry," she mumbled automatically. "I'll be right out. Just… drying my hair…" Drying her _eyes_, more like. She tore her gaze from her cruel reflection and stared intently at the cold tiles beneath her boots.

There was a short silence, and she wondered if he'd gone away yet. Nope. "Why are you sad, Raven?"

She jumped on the inside. "What?"

"Why are you sad?"

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to compose an answer in her mind. The only thing that came to mind was his face. How he looked right now, asking her this question. She had memorised his face. His expressions, his reactions, his emotions. It frightened her, too.

'_Why are you sad?'_ His voice was so innocent… so pure and uncorrupted. At least that's what he was aiming for most of the time when he used it, but Raven figured this time it wasn't used purposely. His mind wasn't calculating or plotting or creating a master plan. He wasn't thinking about reactions, and hadn't already figured out what she would say back. Not now, when he was sick. "What gave you that idea?"

A short pause. "I can feel it."

Her eyelids fluttered open. She frowned. He wasn't thinking straight. He was delusional. He… spoke the truth. He now spoke what he was feeling, rather than what he thought would be best to say; what would get him the most answers, what would get him what he wanted. No, this was vulnerable, sweet, kind Robin. Sick, adorable, caring Robin. She hated herself for thinking it, but she almost liked it when he was sick. _Sadist._ "What do you mean?"

"There's something wrong. I know it. Raven… I want more than anything in the world to help you. I want to make you happy, Raven… Please…"

He was pleading with her. She felt her stomach twist. "N-no…" she choked. "Robin, stay away from me!" she cried hysterically. "Please… stay away…"

"I… If that's what you want," he said, dejectedly.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry." She opened the door just wide enough to see his face, and he could likewise see hers. They both looked pretty awful.

"Robin… you can make me happy," she said quietly.

"How? …By leaving you alone?"

Raven winced slightly. "No, no, no… Robin, you make me happy. And that's why I can't let you near me."

Robin stared at her, waiting for her to continue. She didn't. "Enough guessing games. Please, Raven. Tell me why. If you feel the same way I do… why not?"

Raven looked at him with her piercing violet eyes, still not answering.

"Raven. Look at me. I need you. I'm lost, I'm dying without you. You need someone in this world… why not someone who loves you more than life? Why won't you let yourself be happy for once? Stop punishing yourself for no reason. Are you afraid that something bad will happen if you feel love? To be honest, Rae, things can't get any worse than when you're sad."

"You… called me 'Rae'," she stated. "You never use nicknames."

"Neither do you. Are you afraid that you'll end up hurt? That I'll end up hurt? Are you afraid that this will hurt our relationship? If it fails, that you'll be alone again? Because I promise you, we will be friends. Forever. You will never be alone."

Raven noted how he leaned against the wall for support. His face was deathly pale. He was trembling slightly, shivering, in a cold sweat. Her powers, she had done this to him. "I'm dangerous," she said in a hushed voice. "You don't want to love me."

"I do… Raven, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met. You're brave, strong, and powerful. You're composed and have great self-control. On the inside, you're caring and have a pure heart. You're never afraid to speak your mind, and you're one of the smartest people I know. You're clever and have a sharp wit – you're fun to be with. And… you're gorgeous."

Raven opened her mouth to protest or inquire, but Robin continued.

"Even now. You're still pretty. But before you started your self-destruction… You were so attractive, so _sexy_. And I'm truly sorry that it took something so terrible to open my eyes and realize just how much I loved you… You know, it's like that saying. 'You don't know what you have till it's gone?' 'It', though, isn't gone. I know that you will find a way out of your broken world. I just… hope I can be the one to help you," he finished softly.

She stared at him for a brief moment before shutting the door in his face.

* * *

She was crying again, and her powers weren't working. She desperately tried to phase through the wall but couldn't. She was shuddering and shaking uncontrollably, gasping for air. She was vulnerable, exposed, a pathetic wreck.

The things he had said… they'd unleashed a torrent of emotion. He'd told her he loved her before. He'd said he needed her, that she needed him too. He'd already tried to convince her that loneliness was worse than anything her powers could do… But this time, it was painful to hear. The way he spoke, the desperation, the look on his face.

She hated him for his persistence. She hated him; he had made her like this. He had exposed her as the weak person she was. He had created this awful sadness, and he still tempted her with things she could never have. She hated the responsibility he'd placed on her shoulders, as he carried the burden of her illness, dying. Stupid boy…

He had answered any logical explanation as to why she might be feeling sad… but her emotions were not logical. She wanted him, needed him… but couldn't allow herself to. He couldn't cure her, couldn't save her. He would only end up hurt in the end.

* * *

Starfire walked silently down the street, cautiously avoiding Beast Boy and Cyborg. She'd seen them looking for her, calling her name, and though she'd felt happy that they'd come to look for her, she didn't want to be seen. She was carefully making her way back to the Tower. She wasn't the sort who calmed herself by being alone. She needed to talk things out and confront issues head-on. She needed to get past this anger, it was weighing her down.

The sun was up and the sky was a pale blue again. Raven would find the sun was too harsh and glaring, and the sky was devoid of warmth, unlike the lush, rich colours found in the night sky. Star, though, found it welcoming after spending hours wandering the streets dependent on the artificial orange glow of street lamps. She and Raven were polar opposites, night and day. Raven was mysterious and dark; Star was bubbly and bright. Even their powers showed it - Raven controlled shadows and Starfire used beams of light. Raven had to suppress her emotions, while Star depended on hers. Robin was a day bird.

Star sighed softly, realizing just how big the city really was. It was overwhelming. She felt so small now, having lost her ability to fly. The streets were so long; the buildings were so tall. The night had been so long. She wanted to get back to the Tower and regain her powers. She needed to talk to Robin, to free herself.

Star tore her gaze from the bright blue Earth sky, noticing the front pages of today's newspapers. "Explosion of Unknown Cause Destroys Several Buildings", "Rare Chemical Cause of Explosion?", "Criminal Killed in Explosion During Theft Attempt", "Man Killed, Titan Injured in Explosion". Star wished she had the money to purchase the different newspapers. Maybe one of the shops would be so kind as to let her read the article, she thought, as she stepped into the nearest convenience store.

She stared at all the different newspapers for Jump City. There were certainly a lot. Then again, it wasn't as if there was nothing to write about. Jump City seemed to have an exceptionally high crime rate.

Her gaze shifted to the tabloids. Robin had warned her against reading them, as they were usually filled with lies. Raven had told her she would not like what they would say; they were trash, filled with vicious rumours. She said they were just pathetic attempts to give inferior people a false sense of security by defaming other people. But she couldn't ignore them… for they showed several pictures on the covers of the Titans.

"May I help you?" the woman at the counter asked.

"Er, I, um… I do not have any of the money to purchase the newspapers, but… I was hoping that… maybe you would allow me… to look at…" Starfire trailed off, realizing the woman was smiling.

"You're a Teen Titan. Of course you can have them," she said warmly. She leaned over the counter, as nobody else was in the store. Her smile faded a bit. "So… is it true? You were there at the time of the explosion last night?"

Starfire couldn't believe it had only been last night. Everything had happened within a night. The worry, the joy, the betrayal, the emptiness… "Yes," Star said softly. "We were all there."

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?" the woman asked. Star didn't want to meet her eyes, and instead focused on the cherry red of her lipstick.

"I… truthfully do not know all of the details," Star said evasively.

"Are the papers true? Was Raven hurt in the explosion? Was that really the remains of a criminal they found in all the debris?" the woman asked. She wasn't being nosy, she just genuinely cared.

"The criminal was escaping with the chemical, and the chemical exploded after getting too close to fire," Starfire said matter-of-factly.

"There was a fire?" the woman asked. Starfire focused intently on the woman's pearl earrings, as if they would give her an answer she would be happy with.

"Yes… there was a fire. I am not sure of how it started," she said. Why was she defending Raven? Didn't she hate Raven? Star knew it had been Raven who had caused the fire. She knew Raven had killed the man. It had been Raven's fault those buildings were completely destroyed. Yet Star still didn't want to admit it.

"So… is Raven hurt?" she asked. Star's eyes slowly moved up to meet the woman's dark eyes.

"No, she is not hurt from the explosion," Starfire said honestly.

"Good, good," the woman said, her ruby lips forming a smile once again. "I'm glad. The poor girl, she looks as if she's going through something awful right now," she said, gesturing to the tabloids. "I really feel for her."

Star saw several pictures of Raven on the covers, all showing her horribly thin body. Most of them had queries of eating disorders. _'They are not completely false,' _Starfire thought to herself. The tabloids did watch them quite closely, and had picked up on it even before the Titans had.

"There is no need for concern," Star said. The woman smiled at the reassurance.

"Good to hear. Now I'm sure you've got a lot to do, protecting the city and all that. So, take these," she said, gathering one of each newspaper and magazine and placing them in a bag, "and have a candy bar. Five, actually - one for each of the Titans." She slipped five chocolate bars into the bag. "Six. An extra for Raven. Poor girl, it must be awful to have the whole nation watching her."

Starfire smiled sweetly at the kind woman, taking the plastic bag. "Thank you very much. It is so very generous of you."

"My pleasure," the woman said, returning the smile, as Starfire walked out of the store with a pile of papers and chocolate.

The smile had come easily… In fact, after meeting such a nice woman, Star felt as if the huge burden of anger had been lifted. She couldn't stay mad, not even after what Raven had done. The woman's simple act of kindness had reminded Star how being good and caring felt so much better than being bitter and angry, as she had been for the night. It had felt good when she had defended Raven.

Raven needed protecting. She was weak, she was hurt, she was "going through something awful". Star remembered how Raven had broken down and cried, and how Star had comforted the girl. Star remembered how badly she wanted to make everything better for Raven, and how upset she was when Raven was trapped underneath the concrete after the explosion. Being bitter and hostile towards Raven would only make matters worse. Star's anger had only hurt them all.

Starfire unwrapped the candy bar, tasting it's sweet goodness in her mouth. The chocolate seemed to flood her with the happiness the night had taken away from her. The night was finally over, and Starfire was ready to forgive. She would fly again. She would have freedom.

* * *

'_The end.'_ The words were so tempting in her mind. They were so empty and mysterious… and yet so fulfilling. It had such a finality to it, but at the same time seemed to bring a whole new beginning.

The words were imprinted in her mind now. She couldn't let them go. "The end," she whispered softly, staring at the tool lying in her hands. It called her name… she couldn't resist any longer. Its sweet melody filled her head with the reassurance of escape.

The crimson would be dark against her pale skin. Red really was her colour. It would wash away all her hatred, her pain and suffering. She would have freedom.

* * *

END OF CHAPTER

Mhmm… I dunno how well that chapter turned out. (Gasps) I know! YOU can tell me! Heheh…

- PENGUIN POP


	8. Steel and Glass

**I did a drawing for this story! Please check it out here: **

**www. deviantart. com/deviation/ 27233998/ (remove the spaces!)**

**I know it's a bit of a bother, but… please? Pretty please? (Click on the image for the full sized one!)**

* * *

PLOT SUMMARY:

Plot's confusing? Or so I've heard. Umm… okay… sorry, it's sometimes hard for me to tell, being the writer and all. Let's see… goes something like this:

_Raven is depressed (eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, etc) because she knows Robin will never like her. Her powers are going haywire because she is sad and is experiencing this new emotion… (not just crush, like with Malchior or whatever and Aqualad…). Robin is being a jerk because Raven is, well, confusing him. He knows he loves Star…_

_Raven gets worse as she sees this love for Star developing. Robin finally can see she's in a really bad state (as the other Titans already have), she breaks down in front of him. Robin is beginning to realize he actually likes Rae rather than Star. _

_Rae gets even worse… gets really sick… During a fight she loses control of flight, sets a building on fire, kills the bad guy… resulting in dangerous chemical getting close to fire and then huge explosion… Rae is protected by her powers but is assumed dead by the Titans. She is found by Robin, Robin then realizes he loves her. _

_Robin, with the aid of Raven's creepy dark powers, somehow steals Raven's sickness with a kiss by transferring it to his body. Rae wakes up and is sad because she thinks it's only prolonged an incurable "sickness" (depression), and now Robin is dangerously ill, having Raven's sadness inside his body in a physical form. _

_Raven now knows Robin loves her (BB and Cy try desperately to keep it secret from Star the whole night), but still can't be happy… she's fallen too deep into this depression. She feels she can never be happy, and it'll only end up in pain. Robin tries desperately to convince her that she is beautiful and that he loves her, and that it's okay for her to like him back. He gets through to her a bit and the two share a sweet, romantic (yet not too much) moment._

_Star walks in, sees the two asleep together (Raven hadn't realized how it would look, she had sat in his bed as a mother would do for a child). Star is heartbroken and feels betrayed… (who could blame her?) Starfire unleashes her fury upon Raven, and Raven's happiness vanishes. Cy and BB are meanwhile trying to fix things (console Rae, try and make the situation sound more positive for Robin, try to find Star who has left the tower…) but things seem beyond repair._

_Raven has the same thoughts running through her mind the next morning. Robin tries again to convince Rae, but he can't get through to her this time. She slams the door in his face. Even Robin can't reach her now. _

_Star has spent the rest of the night walking (can't fly) around the city reflecting on everything and has finally decided to forgive Raven… but it might be too late._

Sooo.. Does that clarify things? I hope so, I just spent a long time writing that summary!

Whoa and if you're wondering, I'm not suicidal! Gosh, I don't even know which way you're supposed to cut. I'm not depressed and I'm not anorexic and I'm not masochistic… Maybe a little sadistic, judging by my writing… Heh. But, yeah, no… I honestly scared myself just thinking about razorblades.

Oh, for the record? Starfire doesn't really hate Raven. She was just upset. The not so nice statements she made about her appearance, they weren't meant to be hurtful. More of… a joke. I dunno, think that line she said in "Switched", about how sad she was to be stuck in that body forever. Her act of comforting wasn't meant to be mocking or fake. Maybe it just turned out like that due to the overall extremely high cheese factor of the scene…

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

Chapter Eight: Steel and Glass

* * *

Starfire pranced into the infirmary, radiating with happiness and glee. The room seemed a lot more welcoming with the curtains drawn back and sunlight gleaming through the huge windows. "Robin, I am back!" she said cheerily.

"Hmm? You were gone?"

Starfire winced. "Yes… I was."

"Sorry," Robin said, a slight apologetic smile on his face. He lay upon the sheets and pillow, too tired to sit up and talk to her. He shifted his head slightly in her direction.

"Did you have a pleasant resting?" Star asked.

Robin pondered a bit, but realized thinking would only make him dizzy and confused. "Yep." It wouldn't do any good to say 'no'.

"Starfire?" he asked. "I need to talk to you about something…"

"Yes, Robin?" she responded gently. She grasped his hand in her own.

"About…" What was it again that he had to talk to Starfire about? He couldn't quite remember. _I… me… and you. Us… _"About us…" _Raven? And Raven. Me, you, Raven._ "Us… and Raven, too."

"Robin, you speak slowly, as if you are unsure or confused. Perhaps this is the wrong time to be discussing this 'us'," Star said softly.

"No… I think it has to be now," he said.

"Are you certain this 'now' is the right 'now'?" she asked.

"Quite," he said, smiling slightly. "Starfire… do you know me?"

She had a puzzled look upon her face. "Of course I do. You are Robin, leader of the Teen Titans. You have hair that is black, and you wear the mask that conceals your eyes-"

"I meant," he interrupted softly, "do you understand me. Do you know how I feel, or why?"

"I… I am not sure," she answered, her grip loosening on his hand. "If you would just tell me…"

He shook his head ever so slightly. "You… don't understand. I am full of anger, hatred, sadness. And you… I don't think you would understand. I don't think you would, because you… are you. You feel anger and hatred and sadness, but not in the way I do. You're too _good_ for me," he said.

"I do not follow you," she said, eyebrows furrowing.

"You're… too pure. Too virtuous, too innocent to ever really be able to understand me."

"But… I was under the assumption that being this 'good' was a nice thing to be," she said, confused.

"It is, Starfire! I respect you so much for it. I admire you more than I could ever, ever tell you."

"Yet not in the way that you admire friend Raven," she stated, distantly, confirming it.

"I…"

"I know what you are doing, Robin. You are doing the 'breaking up' with me," she said sadly. She loosened her grip on his hand.

'_We never really started,'_ he thought to himself, but thought it better not to say it out loud. "Star, I-"

"I understand, Robin," she said, voice wavering. She turned her head, bright green eyes glimmering with tears.

"No, no… Star, please. Look at me…" he took her hand again. "Star, I'm sorry… I wanted to love you. I wanted to have a perfect relationship… but it can't work out if I know that deep down I love someone else," he whispered. "Please, don't take this out on Raven. This is my fault alone."

"I see," she said softly. "We are still allowed to be friends, yes?" she asked.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I want that more than anything in the world. I want us to be friends. I want you and Raven to be friends. I want this decision not to change anything."

"Robin," she said. "We shall remain friends… But your decision - it will change me, it will change you. It will change everything. Let us just hope that this change… will bring good," she said softly.

He nodded with as much effort as he could muster. "Are you… okay, then?" he asked cautiously.

"…If this decision will make things well again, then I am glad," she said quietly. "I am glad that you have found one with whom you have a pleasant and special association. I am glad it is friend Raven who has secured your heart, as she is more than deserving of your affection, including the sharing of enjoyable recreation and occasionally the buying of bountiful floral arrangements. I am glad that this may make friend Raven well again. I am glad that this may cure your illness. And I am glad that we will remain the closest of friends. All I desire, Robin, is for you to be happy," she said, and let go of his hand.

"Now… if you will excuse me," she said. "Unless you are in need of anything?"

He shook his head as best he could.

"I shall return to observe your well-being shortly. However at the moment… I believe I require 'the space'," she said softly, and walked away.

Robin watched Star leave the Tower. It hadn't been easy… but it had been necessary. Though Raven had just slammed the door in his face, he knew he loved her, and he knew she loved him back.

Exhaustion staked its claim and took over as Robin felt his eyes close. The infirmary was never a place he'd liked… and he liked it even less now that he was alone.

* * *

Raven held the razorblade in her pale slender hand. She was shaking, shivering. Was it fear? Or excitement?

The thought of relief at long last made her feel something. She wasn't sure what, but at least it made her feel. She lusted for the touch of metal against her skin. She wanted the pain. She wanted to hurt.

The tears on her face were no longer warm. They were cold as they licked her face and left trails. She felt frozen all over, cold with despair and loneliness. Even the metal was cold in her hands, but it offered warm relief. The warm, crimson blood would spill and release the coldness of her heart.

But she was afraid. She had power. And power scared her. She was frightened and so very alone.

The very fact that there was nobody to stop her was absolutely terrifying.

"Robin," she cried, voice trembling. "Robin… please… help me," she said, shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down her pale face. "Please, come stop me…"

"I… need you," she whispered.

But nobody came. Nobody was there to hear her scream. She was alone.

She held the blade, helpless and weak against it. She could not fight it any longer. She was pathetic.

"Robin," she said, gasping, as the razorblade made contact with her pale skin. Deep crimson tears spilled as the metal carved her flesh.

The mirror reflecting her tear-stained face and emaciated body exploded. Thousands of mirror shards flew; sharp daggers lethal in nature.

The crystal pieces showered her, but they did not touch her. Her soul-self had risen and spread its wings, sheltering her as pieces of the dangerous mirror fell against the black and white of the tiles.

And then it left her. Her soul-self took flight and abandoned her, giving a final cry before it disappeared. She'd lost control. She collapsed to the ground, helpless. Pieces of her distorted self-image lay around her on the floor.

"Robin," she whispered, tears falling onto the cold tile floor. She gazed at the shards of distortion that lay around her before giving in and letting her eyes close.

"Robin…"

* * *

"Raven?" Robin murmured. The illness seemed to have worsened tenfold. All of a sudden, it was as if he could barely move. Was she in trouble? Had he worsened in condition because she had too?

He swore he had heard her calling for help. He had heard her voice in his head clearly, above the throbbing pain and ambiguous noise.

He opened his eyes and thought he saw the glowing black soul-self of Raven, majestic wings spread but crying for help. But it disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared in less than a blink of the eye. He would have thought he was just hallucinating or overreacting, but this time it felt real. It seemed to cut past the blurry haze of everything else, and sent him shivers down his spine.

He threw the sheets back, stumbling out of bed. _Come on_, he urged himself, breaking into a run. He never gave up, no matter how weak his condition. He pushed the exhaustion and dizziness to the back of his mind. He wouldn't let it overcome him.

"Raven!" he called. "Raven, where are you?" He felt momentarily disoriented. He closed his eyes, trying to focus. Where was he?

He ran blindly, following what seemed to be the right path. His subconscious would lead him to Raven, it always did.

He stopped running, blinking several times to see where he was. A door. Raven's door? No, the bathroom door. The door behind which Raven was, the one she had been behind moments ago when she had told him to go away.

"Raven?" he asked, knocking on the door, listening intently.

There was no reply. "Raven!" he shouted, and instinctively kicked down the door with a surprising amount of strength.

He took in the scene before him slowly, his mind struggling to comprehend what had happened. On the floor lay a pale, starved girl; the girl he loved, Raven. In one hand lay a razorblade, glinting with droplets of crimson. Around her lay countless pieces of broken glass; a shower of glittering mirror shards had sprayed from an explosion.

Her indigo hair framed her ashen face, stained with black tears where her eyeliner and mascara had bled. She wore a red dress, which contrasted starkly with her pallid skin but matched the blood that had spilled onto the black and white tiles.

Ignoring the broken glass, Robin ran to her side, desperately listening for a pulse. Her heart was still beating; her chest still rose slightly with shallow breaths. Robin took the blade from her pale hand, and placed it on the floor. He poorly bandaged her wrists, then gently put his arms around her, embracing her, holding her on the bathroom floor.

"Raven," he said softly yet frantically. He held her in his arms, gently caressing her face and hair. She was cold, and if he didn't know better he would have thought her to be dead. He could feel no life in her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry… I didn't find you in time. I couldn't stop this from happening. I couldn't save you…"

A tear fell down his face, splashing onto her red dress. It was followed by another, and then several more. He was immobilized with an overwhelming sense of guilt and sorrow, but remembered there were bigger things at stake. '_Crying gets nothing accomplished. Push your feelings out of the way, swallow them, ignore them for now, just like you do every other day,'_ he told himself, but found it difficult to do.

He reached for his communicator, and tried to wipe away the tears. "Titans," he spoke. "Titans. I need you here. NOW. Get back to the Tower IMMEDIATELY. This is an emergency," Robin yelled as best he could with the remainder of his strength. He tried to suppress a choke, but only half succeeded. "The bathroom… Get here as soon as you possibly can. I need… help…" he trailed off, unable to speak anymore. He closed the communicator and felt it slide from his hand and hit the floor.

He felt immensely weak, hardly able to support Raven's upper body. As she got weak, so did he. Her depression had reached a critical level, and his physical form of her own illness would too. Yet he refused to put her down. Maybe his voice, his familiar touch, the reassurance of friendship could revitalize her. "Raven… Raven, wake up. I need you to wake up," he mumbled.

He felt his vision fading as the room started to spin. Though he was kneeling, he still felt completely unbalanced. "Come on, Raven… come on. You have to get up now… please… Please, Raven. I need you…" he gasped as his mind clouded over with delirium. "Please, you're hurting me…"

He felt his body give in, despite his attempts to fight it. His arms gave out, slowly releasing her. He was now on his hands and knees, weak, helpless. There was nothing he could do. He was useless.

Robin felt his arms buckle and hi body hit the floor, but he could no longer tell what was happening. He could feel the cold tile floor against his face… or was it hot? But all signs pointed to the fact his efforts had been futile. He couldn't save her. He had failed. He felt another tear fall down his face as his eyes refused to open. It was his fault… everything was his fault. "I'm… sorry…" he whispered.

"Raven…"

* * *

Starfire had hesitated a moment before she'd opened the communicator. She had been flying freely amongst the clouds. She had been once again blessed with flight; although she was sad that Robin was no longer hers, she had accepted it graciously and was in fact happy for the two of them. Robin was still her best friend, and Raven a close second, despite everything. She was glad – and a little shocked – that she was able to fly again, and hadn't wished to return to the ground so soon…

"Robin, you have not given me much of 'the space'," she had sighed, opening the communicator. But upon hearing the urgency in his voice, she raced down to Earth and towards the Tower as fast as she possibly could.

"Starfire! Yo, Star!" she heard her voice being called. She looked behind, seeing Cyborg flying upon a giant green pterodactyl.

"Hello, friends!" she greeted them. "You are as well making the haste for the Titans Tower, yes?"

"Yeah, that's right," Cyborg replied. "C'mon, BB… just a little further…" he urged, as the green pterodactyl started to tire from flying at breakneck speed across the city.

"Hey, wait, how'd you know? You left your communicator in your room," wondered Cyborg. "We were looking for you, you know."

"Yes, I apologize, friends," she said. "And I am sorry you spent so long searching for me, however I required 'the space' of which Robin often refers to."

Cyborg nodded. "That's no problem. We were just worried about you."

"Do not worry any longer," Starfire smiled. "Oh yes. To respond to the question, I went back to the Tower. I went to, what is the term, _fetch_ the communicator from my room after I was done with the anger. I went to inspect the health of friend Robin, and he then told me that he was in need of a conversation. About us, and friend Raven. Our relationship."

Cyborg and the green pterodactyl made similar, petrified faces. Beast Boy faltered a bit at the word 'relationship', but resumed flying. "Ah…"

"Is this word, 'relationship', one that generates a particular facial expression in all Earth boys?" Star asked, tilting her head as she flew on.

"Sorry," Cyborg said, laughing a bit. "Go on…"

"Robin performed the act of 'breaking up' with me," Star said sadly. "But… everything is well now," she said, smiling a bit.

"Well… until a few minutes ago," Cyborg said grimly. "I'm worried about Robin."

"Me as well," Starfire said. "I… I should not have left the Tower!" she cried angrily.

"No, no… This isn't your fault at all," Cyborg reassured her automatically. "Really, it's not. But… did you speak with Rae?"

"No… I did not," replied Star. "I first went to do the checking on of Robin. I did not encounter her… and the moments afterward, I was preoccupied with jealousy," she admitted.

"No, no, that's alright. It's just… Rae didn't answer when we tried to call her," he said.

"Do you believe Raven may as well be in some sort of danger?" Starfire asked. "Perhaps the Tower is under attack?"

"I somehow doubt it. Looks pretty quiet from the outside," Cyborg said, as the Tower was now in view. He now had a sinking feeling in his gut, not unlike the sensation one gets from a dropping elevator. And it wasn't just because Beast Boy was plummeting to the ground at top speed, either.

"I guess we'll find out," he said, jumping off of the giant green pterodactyl and running towards the Tower base. Beast Boy morphed into a cheetah, while Starfire continued to fly.

The Tower was quiet. Too quiet. All they could hear was the sound of their feet as they ran and their hearts racing, pounding with anxiety.

And when they finally reached the bathroom, door already kicked down for their eyes to behold the scene, they felt their hearts come to a screeching halt.

The two lay on the tiled ground, both unconscious. Raven lay with her wrists bandaged haphazardly as crimson leaked, with Robin right beside her, collapsed. Fate was cruel, as they had been moments away from safety, from happiness.

Though the scene was tragic and distressing, Cyborg's leadership instincts kicked in immediately. He rushed to their side, making sure they were still breathing, then proceeded to do anything he could to help.

"Come on… help me take these two to the infirmary," he said quietly. "Then I can hook them up to the most advanced med equipment there is. I'll do everything I can to cure them." His voice was eerily devoid of emotion.

Star and Beast Boy didn't say anything, but walked forward in silence, obeying Cyborg's instruction.

Silent tears were shed, but did not interfere with the important matter at hand. They were superheroes. They were trained to handle this sort of thing all the time. They were supposed to always be prepared, to always be vigilant, to not let emotions interfere with anything. But superheroes were not supposed to fall…

* * *

_The white lights shone brilliantly as they flashed and circled the circus tent. The spotlights rotated in a fixed pattern, but came to rest over three individuals. Up high, they stood, together as a family, just as it had always been. The crowd, it cheered wildly, but the voices were muffled. They were so far up… but it had never bothered him. He had never been afraid... until…_

"…_Mom? Dad?" the eight-year-old spoke quietly. He had overheard a threat… The bad man had asked for money. No, he had demanded money. He'd wanted the circus's hard-earned money, and he'd been refused… _

"_Hush, my little Robin," the woman said softly, and the boy forgot about any premonition of danger. Her husband smiled reassuringly, nodding once, and the two stepped out onto the rope._

_The roaring cheers instantly ceased at the sound of the snapping high wire. The silence turned to screams, as the two figures fell in what seemed like slow motion. They reached out for each other, arms outstretched, but it accomplished nothing. The two figures had fallen to their deaths. The audience below was panicked and frightened, but it was nothing compared to the turmoil a single boy was going through._

_His stomach felt sick as the scene fell before him. The deaths of his parents were confirmed as he saw their bodies on the ground, so far away. The crowds left in panic, and he was left alone in the world…_

"He's stirring," Cyborg said in a hushed tone to the communicator before closing it shut. "Robin? Robin, you alright?"

Tears fell from beneath his mask, as the boy curled up into an almost fetal position. His hair, and his body, was damp from his profuse sweating. "M…mom? …Dad?"

"Robin? You awake?"

Robin moaned softly, shivering. He was still asleep. "No… No!" he cried softly. The heart monitor he was hooked up to was rapidly spiking. "No… Mom, Dad…!"

"Robin, wake up! Robin…"

"…didn't warn you in time… I… sorry…" he gasped, tears readily flowing.

Cyborg swallowed. "Come on, Robin… Wake up; it's just a nightmare… just a dream…"

Robin seemed to settle a bit, and his heart rate became more consistent once again.

Cyborg sighed with slight relief. He opened the communicator. "He's alright," he reported. Starfire and Beast Boy were out fighting crime. They had taken shifts watching the two; three-hour shifts at a time. Even during the worst of times, crime never relented. The price of being a hero…

Cyborg sat, monitoring both Raven and Robin. His head felt heavy, not just with the overwhelming situation, but with not enough rest.

He would not fall asleep… he could not fall asleep…

* * *

Raven awoke from her state of unconsciousness to find it was near evening, judging by the purple sky outside the window. Was it even the same day? How long really had she been out for? And what… what had just happened?

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she caught sight of Cyborg. He sat in a chair by her side, watching her attentively. Or, at least, he had been. He now was sprawled out in the chair, fast asleep. "Cyborg?" she asked cautiously, quietly. "Cyborg?"

He didn't wake, or respond in the slightest for that matter. But that was okay. He deserved some rest. She'd caused him enough grief the past few days to last a lifetime.

Pushing thoughts of the other Titans to the back of her mind, she wondered about Robin. Robin, Robin, Robin. What had happened, exactly? Her mind was foggy, unable to recall exactly what had occurred. She slowly tried to string fragments of her memory together.

She'd been battling the darkness. It was consuming her. The razorblade, it had been calling, and she couldn't resist the temptation any longer.

And so she'd called. She'd cried for help, screaming and pleading on the inside. But only on the inside. The most she'd done was whisper his name, and hope he would come to her rescue. Her knight in shining armour… he hadn't come.

Of course he hadn't come. She'd only wished for his aid, and wishing got you nowhere without accompanying actions. She'd whispered his name, saying it softly. Like a prayer, or a death wish.

And so without him, she'd been lost. The darkness had won. The razorblade had won, and she had lost. The mirror exploded and she was left crying, and she was very alone. She had fallen.

But wait. He had come. He had heard her, after all! Because even in the darkness, unable to find her way to consciousness, she had felt him there. She felt his presence. She felt his skin touching her own, and heard his voice. She'd drank in his reassurance, and though she hadn't been able to react, she'd felt him there. And when she heard him say her name, she'd felt alive again.

And it was through his touch, his presence, his love that she had been able to find her way out of the darkness just now. He had released the demons from her soul, and freed her from the entanglement of dark thoughts and masochistic feelings.

Her burden seemed to have been lifted. It was as if she'd been momentarily purged of her depression, with release coming from the razorblade itself. And though traces would still remain, she finally felt as if she had found a handhold. She would be able to survive and hold her ground against the tide. Robin would protect her, and save her every time. And it wouldn't have to be a literal display of heroism, as with this particular incident. No, his very existence was enough.

"Robin…" she whispered again, but this time her lips formed a hint of a smile.

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER**

So, as always, reviews are appreciated more than you could imagine. It's past 4 AM – I hope it was worth it.

Penguin Pop

**PS – don't forget to check out the illustration mentioned above!**


	9. The Beginning

_Thanks for the sweet reviews!_

_Check out sorarocksmysocks's fanart here! It's an adorable depiction of the fountain scene from Shards of Distortion! Thanks so much!_

_www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 28506852/ (remove spaces as usual)_

_So I bought the first four Teen Titans graphic novels… I am in love. They are absolutely amazing… If you haven't checked out the comics yet… why not? What are you waiting for? _

_This is, regrettably, the lengthy final chapter of Shards of Distortion. Thanks to everyone for your continual support that's helped me stay inspired and to grow as a writer. Ah, I'll cut the mush. On with the fic!_

* * *

**Shards of Distortion**

Chapter Nine: The Beginning

* * *

"Raven?"

"I'm here; I'm here," her voice called softly.

"Where are you?"

"Right beside you…" she answered.

"Oh…"

He could feel it now. He felt her presence, and felt her touch him. She gently put a cool cloth to his forehead; he could feel the cold right against his skin, but still it felt far away and out of reach.

"Feel better?" he asked, mumbling.

"Yeah," she said. He felt her stroke his skin – it felt nice.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, smiling with disbelief. "I'm the one who should be thanking you!"

"Thanks for waking me up… I – it kept playing… in my head… couldn't stop it. Over… and over… haunting me…"

She paused to think, wondering whether or not to carry the conversation out further. Was this one of those rare instances where he would be better off sharing his often private thoughts? If she were in his shoes, she'd have told herself to go away. But he wasn't her…

"What was it?" she asked hesitantly, slightly afraid of the answer to come. Sometimes it was better to confide in someone… The worst he could do was not tell her.

"I think… I think you know," he said, softly. "When you saw… into my mind…"

Raven nodded, but wasn't sure if his eyes were open to see her nod. "Yes…"

"The circus…"

Raven bit her lip. She'd seen that. Seen it, then buried it deep into her vault of memories at the back of her mind. She'd seen two figures falling… This couldn't be good.

"I know you saw it… I know you did, because I think about it every waking moment," he said quietly.

She was afraid of the answer that might come. His voice had gone dangerously soft.

"They… they were my parents, Raven," he whispered.

Raven swallowed hard, taken aback. Before she knew it, she was crying. They were warm tears, though, not cold…

Raven had always been proud of her quick wit and caustic comments; she had always been able to find the perfect string of words to counter any remark. However, she was at loss for words at the moment. She was possibly one of the worst consolers in the world, and at that moment, she would have traded her notorious sharp wit for a single sentence. Even a word… anything to make him feel remotely better. To express that she cared. But she couldn't…

Instead, she held him tight, stroking him and refusing to let go. And he didn't mind. He remained in her arms, feeling her desperation in her embrace.

"Raven?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"Please don't let go…"

"I won't; I won't…"

* * *

A very long while passed in utter silence, yet it was a soothing silence. Minutes? Hours? They didn't know, nor did they care. 

"Rae?" he asked, finally.

"…Mmm? A-are you okay?" she asked automatically.

"Would it be too clichéd to say, 'I am now?'"

"Perhaps -- is it okay to tease and joke yet? Or should we give it some more time?" she asked, smiling a bit.

"It is okay," he smiled back. He'd missed her sardonic wit. "But wait just a moment. Let me ask of you a serious favour first."

She nodded once, waiting expectantly.

"Take my mask off," he said, softly.

Again, her mind could not formulate any sort of answer. And even if it could, her lips would not be capable of moving.

"Take my mask off," he repeated. "I want you… to see me. All of me," he said.

She smiled a little. "_All _of you? Should I take your clothes off, too?"

"If you want," he said, managing a weak smile back.

Raven moved her hand towards his face, but hesitated. "I…"

"…You don't have to if you don't want to," he said, though Raven could detect the falsity of the tone of his voice, as he tried to conceal his dejection.

"No, no. I do… It's just—"

"What?" he asked. "It's okay… really. I may be a tad delusional, but I know what I'm doing. Go on; I know you're curious," he said, in the cockiest voice he could muster.

"Will I be disappointed?" she asked teasingly, stroking his cheek slightly.

"Depends on what you're expecting," he replied. "On a level of 1 to 10…"

"I'm expecting a 10," she grinned, placing her fingers around the edges of his mask. "You're _sure_ you want me to go through with this?"

"Raven, _should_ I have any reason to be apprehensive?"

"Good point," she said, and closed her eyes as she lifted the mask off of his face.

She set his mask down, waited a moment, then opened her eyes to look into his.

Her heart skipped a beat or two. She felt the weakness and flutter of heartache consume her.

His eyes were mesmerizing. She'd lost any train of thought, and she couldn't seem to get back on track.

"I am _not_ disappointed," she whispered, in awe, as the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen stared back at her.

They were blue. Not just any sort of blue, but an almost unnaturally intense hue, the colour of sapphires. They were framed by his dark lashes, which captivated her even when his eyes were closed. She had seen his face… and almost regretted it, for she might never be able to function properly. She felt as if she would never think of anything else again.

"A 10, then?" he grinned.

"More like… off the scale," she said, knowing full well how dumb and, well, ditzy she must sound. "And we could be talking a logarithmic scale, here." He laughed.

A true, natural, uncontrollable smile found its way to Raven's face. A full smile; an actual grin. The rainbow after the storm. She could feel laughter within her, as the happiness spread through her body, warming her after the coldness of depression.

He smiled back at her, and she could feel a blush spread across her cheeks, as warmth coursed through her.

He laughed as she unrelentingly smiled and blushed. "Raven, I think you're curing me," he said.

"Well… you saved me," she replied. "It should work the other way then, shouldn't it?" she asked, violet hair brushing against his face. "And this time… it's for real."

She leaned in, sealing the kiss in an instant so fragile and delicate, yet full of emotion.

His eyes were closed, but he could feel the illness draining from inside him, as a whole new sense of happiness and wonder washed over him. He felt Raven's hope, and joy, and happiness, and excitement, all in that brief period of time, surging through his body, not to mention an extreme adrenaline rush.

He could nearly taste her emotions. All his senses were heightened; he was very aware, yet a million light years away. And as she broke the kiss, he felt as if he were gently floating back down to Earth.

"Now just rest…" she said softly. "I'll check on you later."

He willingly obliged, shutting his eyes with one last glance at her face, still slightly tinged with pink. He smiled, and knew that she was smiling back, before pulling up the covers and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

"R-Raven?" Beast Boy stuttered, staring at the girl as she walked into the operations room. "Um… um… uh… HI!" he said, making her feel even _more_ awkward, if that was possible. 

"_I told you to act normal!"_ Raven heard Cyborg whisper harshly to Beast Boy. Raven raised an eyebrow. _"She's still agile-fray in the ind-may!""_

"I'd beg to differ," Raven glared, but then smiled. "I'm okay."

"What about Robin?" Starfire asked.

"Yeah," Cyborg said. "When I left him, he wasn't very well…"

"I know. But… I think he'll get better soon. He seemed much better just now. But he's resting at the moment," she added, as the three of them jumped to their feet. They sat back down.

"Look, I… appreciate your help," she said. "In the past… however long I was out for. Thanks," she said, blushing slightly. She felt uncomfortable, and the natural awkwardness she felt when showing gratitude was not helping. "And… not just for that. But for the past few months. And, um… I'm better now. Not just momentarily – I think I'm actually healed."

"So, um… do you wear white when you're in _love_?" Beast Boy blurted out, noticing Raven's attire. She had donned her white uniform.

"No," she said snappily, narrowing her eyes at him. He squealed. She smirked.

"I wear white when… When my soul has been purified. Or, I guess, in one instance, where I had _thought_ so, anyway," she explained, remembering Malchior.

"_It just happens to be a coincidence that I'm in love at the same time,_" she added under her breath, blushing slightly.

"Starfire…" she said, remembering the circumstances. "I, um… Can we talk? I want to apologize… for everything… and, see-"

"There is no need for words, friend Raven," Starfire said. "All is forgiven. I have talked with Robin, all has been resolved. I am happy for you," she said, smiling slightly.

Raven smiled back, timidly.

"Oh, friend! I have missed you! I am merely happy that you are alive and well!" Starfire grinned, unable to keep her sheer joy restrained. Starfire laughed, and before Raven knew it, Starfire had consumed her in an unbridled bear hug.

"Aww, yeah!" Cyborg grinned, wrapping his arms around the two of them, and soon Beast Boy jumped in, making for one massive group hug. Raven stood in the middle, a smile forming on her face.

"Raven! Are you well enough to accompany me to the mall of shopping?" Starfire asked, anxiously.

"Well… sure. That would be… nice," she replied.

Cyborg grinned. "Raven! Are you well enough to play stank-ball?"

"Not on your life, Cyborg."

"Raven! Are you well enough to-"

"No," she interrupted before Beast Boy could ask anything. Beast Boy let out a sigh, while Raven smirked. Indeed, things were well again.

"May we go now?" Starfire asked, beaming. Raven nodded, and before she knew it was being dragged by the arm at breakneck speed.

"We'll stay here," Cyborg called after them. "Got your communicators? Good. We'll take care of Robin; y'all just have a good time!"

Raven smiled again, in spite of the cool demeanour she usually tried to maintain. She couldn't help it. And this time, not being in utter control felt _good_.

* * *

"Red," Raven said softly. "This one." 

"And for your toes?"

"This one," she said instantly, smiling, picking out a dazzling shade of blue. She stared at the bottle in her hand. The mere sight of the colour made her heart beat faster.

"Friend Raven, why is it that you are doing the smiling?" Starfire inquired.

Raven looked up. "I'm at peace… I'm happy," she said, a slight smile still lingering.

"I admire the colours that you have selected. They are not so dark and gloomy as the previous nail polishes you have desired," Starfire said.

"Well… blue _is_ my favourite colour, you know…"

The spa was not nearly as dull and boring as Raven had remembered it to be. When was the last time she'd truly been at ease, without a care in the world? She felt, now, so relaxed and calm. She didn't mind the smell of the nail polish, and didn't mind someone else touching her skin. The massage was heavenly.

Raven lazily opened an eye, peering to her right, to see Starfire in an equally relaxed state of mind. Her eyes were closed and the princess looked at peace. Raven smiled, again, smiling more in one day than she had in years.

She had hoped with all her being that they would all still be friends at the end of the day. She dreaded Starfire being angry with her, and was afraid that Star would be forever hurt. She had been scared the Titans might break up, with Robin and Starfire separated, and Starfire bitter and hostile towards her. But Starfire, though sometimes emotionally charged, could forgive. She could be so happy, or so sad, or so angry… but she always could manage to forgive, and it would always end up well in the end.

Starfire and Raven were still friends. Best friends, as girls go. Star had also managed to forgive Robin, and maintain their friendship. They would still be close, and Raven was so happy for it. Raven knew that she and Robin, too, would be forever friends, no matter what happened.

A contented sigh escaped from her lips as she freed herself of all thoughts, relaxing completely and slipping into a trance-like state. Any lingering thoughts were of him and him alone; his presence was forever instilled in her mind and soul.

* * *

A shopping spree followed the spa experience. 

Raven, though usually not one to fritter money away on clothes, shoes, jewellery, and makeup, did just that. It wasn't so much a sign of insecurity; it was rather a sign of her being comfortable and blissfully high-spirited.

Starfire, as usual, bought a lot as well. She, like most teens, loved to shop. And when one has a seemingly endless budget, why not? Robin gave them money. Where he got it from in the first place none of the Titans knew. Raven would have to ask him one of these days.

"Star, try this one on," Raven said, throwing her a ruffled white skirt. It was less Star trying to persuade Raven to buy things, and more them both being equally interested.

"What is this called, again? The dishevelling of the clothing garment?" Star asked.

"Uhh… you mean the ruffle?"

"Yes!" Starfire exclaimed. "I like 'the ruffle'. It is quite lovely, do you not agree?"

Raven nodded.

"Oh, try this garment on, Raven!" Starfire said, thrusting into her arms a blue dress of appropriate sizing.

"Er, wow. Not very much _fabric_ on this dress, is there?" she smirked.

Starfire looked at her quizzically. Raven then realized who she had just spoken to, whose costume consisted of a short midriff-baring top and a very short mini-skirt. "Oh. Nevermind."

Starfire smiled. "_Robin_ will like it, I believe." She didn't speak bitterly or remorsefully. She spoke bit sweetly, yet a bit teasingly, as a best friend would.

Raven shrugged, smiling, but added it into her pile of clothes to try on.

After carrying as many clothing articles as they could carry (which indeed was a lot), they went into yet another change room, trying on an outfit each.

"You look nice, Star," Raven offered, as they came out of the change rooms in dresses.

"Raven… you are so thin," Starfire repeated, sadly.

Raven nodded. "I'll fill the dress out eventually," she laughed slightly.

"I do hope so. You are very pretty with 'the curves'," Star said, causing Raven to laugh a bit more.

"Really," she said amusedly. "_What if I am stuck looking like this forever?_" Raven mockingly lamented, imitating Starfire when they had switched bodies.

Starfire grinned sheepishly. "Forgive me, friend. It was merely because I had not ever seen you smile… The permanent frown is not a mark of beauty. But you have changed. You have become very beautiful indeed," Starfire said earnestly.

Raven smiled a little. "Thanks, Star."

"Thank _you _for attending the mall with me, friend Raven. I have missed the experience very much so. I have missed your smile."

Raven's lips twitched as she offered a slight smile. "Yes... I have as well."

* * *

Many outfit changes and a make-up application later, the female Titans headed back to the Tower. 

Raven felt rather silly as she walked towards the Tower. She was wearing civvies, wearing makeup, and had her hair nicely done. All to impress a boy.

Well, no. Not just to impress a boy – it had really been to please Starfire… and Raven wouldn't admit it, but she kind of liked dressing up once in a while. But now, the only thing that mattered was Robin. Which was the other, larger reason she felt so ridiculous.

Her heart was beating faster, faster… and all because she was thinking about what he would think. Would he like it? Would he be indifferent? She smiled to herself, realizing that even though these silly thoughts were completely foreign to her, it was a step towards normalcy. Having 'normal' teenage problems made her feel less creepy… more human.

"Are you ready, friend Raven?" Starfire asked, grinning as they entered the Tower.

Raven nodded, but froze as they stepped into the operations room.

"What… is _this_?" she asked, astonished.

Before her stood a towering, unbelievably large cake. It was big enough to hide a person behind.

Or two.

Cyborg and Beast Boy jumped out from behind the cake, grins plastered on their face.

"Surprise!" Beast Boy shouted.

"We outdid ourselves this time," Cyborg grinned. "Last time it was a measly four layers."

"This time, it's TWENTY!" Beast Boy beamed.

"We quadrupled the diameter so it wouldn't fall over," Cyborg added.

"I… see," Raven said, voice in normal Raven-tone, but she grinned. "And how, pray tell, does one even _begin_ to eat this monstrosity?"

"Start with _this._"

Raven spun around to see a fork being thrown straight at her. She caught it, but was startled. Not necessarily by the metal object being hurtled through the air at her, but by the voice.

"Robin? What are you doing out of bed?" she asked, surprised but delighted to see him.

"I'm feeling much better. So I'm throwing metal objects at people, it would appear," he said, throwing three forks at once, each amazingly going directly into the other three Titans' hands.

"And definitely checkin' you out, Rae," Beast Boy added, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Raven glared in Beast Boy's direction, but Robin just smiled. "What can I say? You look gorgeous, Raven."

Raven's glare quickly dissolved. She blushed slightly, at a loss for words.

"He speaks the truth," Cyborg smiled. "You ladies look great!" Beast Boy nodded vigorously.

Starfire smiled. "Now let us begin the eating of this most glorious baked good! We shall 'dig in'!"

"That we shall, Star. That we shall," Raven said, stabbing the gigantic cake with her fork.

The fork sank.

The Titans all stared wide-eyed as the cake consumed the fork. The fork disappeared, sinking into the icing, and was now completely out of sight. "Uhh…"

A playful smirk appeared on Raven's face. The remaining four forks crackled with black magic as they slipped out of the Titans' fingers and neatly were put away into the drawer. "Raven?" Beast Boy asked.

"Who needs forks?" she asked, grinning. The Titans stared blankly at her.

"_Who needs forks_," she repeated, "when you can use _these_?" She held up her hands. The Titans continued to stare, incredulously.

And with that, Raven dug her fingers into the cake and brought a substantial morsel of cake to her mouth with her hands. She smiled. "You in?"

The other Titans overcame their astonishment and quickly rushed to the cake, grabbing fistfuls of cake and icing in a splendidly undignified manner.

Much laughing and mess-making ensued, as the Titans dug into the cake with their hands, eating it and throwing morsels of cake at fellow Titans.

Barbaric? Probably. Undignified? Yes. Ridiculous? Definitely. And Raven loved it. She was laughing and smiling with them. The Titans. Her team. Her friends. Her family.

"This is," Raven grinned, as the cake fight came to an end, shovelling a bit more of the fluffy cake into her mouth, "the best cake in the world."

"I cannot believe you just started a cake fight, Rae," Beast Boy said, astonished. "You are one cool chick."

Raven smirked a bit at Beast Boy's _lingo_. "I need to change before the icing decides not to come out of these clothes," she announced. "…Thanks again," she said softly, before slipping off to the bathroom.

* * *

Raven had noticed the mirror had been replaced, and thankfully everything had been cleaned up. 

She scrubbed her hands of cake and icing, and changed her clothes. Just for the heck of it, she'd decided to wear some more of the new clothes she'd bought today at the mall with Starfire. Black shorts, black boots that almost reached the knee, a white tank top, and black elbow-length arm warmers… and her black hair clip with red gems held her hair loosely back. '_What will Robin think?' _she found herself wondering, and almost laughed out loud upon catching herself in the act.

She put her cake-smothered new clothes in a basket, along with a pile of other dirty laundry, and made her way down to the laundry room.

She meticulously sorted the darks from the lights, noticing a lot more 'lights' and coloured clothes than she'd thought. Or maybe she'd just been wearing more _normal _clothesrecently.

She playfully tossed each article of clothing into the machine from the other end of the room, as if it were a game. _One point… three points… another three-pointer…_

"Nice shot," she heard Robin's voice say, as a cape flew neatly into the machine. She turned around to see him, in a casual button-down shirt over a t-shirt and dark jeans. Civvies. _Gorgeous_ civvies.

"You're all dressed down," she smiled. "You look… nice."

"Yeah… You too."

"I've been out of commission for a while and have since taken a liking to civvies. But you _never_ dress down. What's the occasion?"

"Dinner," he answered.

"We've never dressed in civilian attire for dinner before," she pointed out, narrowing her eyes a little. And anyway, since when was _she_ the one who spoke more in conversations?

He swallowed. "We've never gone out for dinner without Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy," he said.

She paused, words caught in her mouth, then quirked an eyebrow. "Wait. Are you…"

"Um, yeah… Asking you to dinner. You know, with me. The two of us. Like, ah, a date," he said, a slight blush spreading across his face.

She couldn't help but grin.

"You know, this would be a lot easier if you weren't _laughing_ at me," he said, still pink-tinged across the cheeks.

"Why would you assume that I'm laughing at your discomfort?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows with mock indignation. "Maybe I'm smiling because I'm happy… Is that so hard to accept?"

"I'm glad you're smiling, Rae. But even if your smile says you're happy, you were definitely still laughing at me. I read the laughter in your eyes."

She grinned again, this time one of laughter. "Guilty as charged."

"So… Do you want to… Will you… you know…"

Raven watched amusedly as he stumbled and blushed, but decided to put him out of his misery. "Yes," she said. "I would love to join you for dinner."

"Finally," he muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes, knowing full well she was enjoying his embarrassing discomposure.

"I can't help it," she admitted. "Laughing at your discomfort, I mean. The always cool, suave, collected Robin… is shy towards girls?"

"Not usually."

"I am an exception, then?" she said, still smiling in that taunting manner.

"You're an exceptional girl, Raven, and could bring any man to his knees," he shrugged. Was he being sarcastic? She couldn't tell. "Now how about we stop taking advantage of my slightly feverish state, shall we, and go for dinner?"

And with that, they abandoned the half-full washing machine and numerous piles of clothing, and walked to the garage. "You're _sure_ you're well enough to go out?"

"Of course. I've been cooped up in the Tower for ages… a bit of fresh air will do me good."

"The fresh air of a restaurant?" she asked.

"The fresh air of the balcony, of the finest Italian restaurant in town," he answered. Robin leapt to his R-cycle, and gave her his hand. "Ready?"

She stared at him, slightly warily.

"Come on. I'm fine to drive, I promise."

She put a hand to his forehead, feeling the slight warmth. She frowned slightly. "Robin…"

"Trust me."

Reluctantly, she accepted the spare helmet. "Okay. But just to make sure…" With her free hand, she turned his face gently towards her, and kissed him tenderly. He again felt the purifying sensation of her magic, purging him of weakness.

"How do you feel now?" she asked softly, practically purring, her hand slowly trailing down from his face back around his neck.

He could barely speak. "Amazing…" he said, surprised he didn't stutter. He climbed onto the R-cycle, and smiled. "Just don't do that while we're riding, or I'll crash for sure."

Raven gave him a slightly mischievous smile that seemed to say, 'no promises'.

Robin felt her arms wrap around his chest as he started the engine. She held on tightly, not out of fear but out of trust. He felt her head nuzzled against his shoulder, and couldn't help but smile.

Raven was back. But she had changed. _Blossomed_, with a little help from Robin. A more trusting, stronger, confident Raven had emerged from the shadows of her heart. And in helping her find this new side of her, Robin found a part of him he hadn't discovered before.

_Love? Had he finally figured out what 'love' was?_

"_Hey, Bird Boy," _Raven's voice projected into his head, so she could be heard above the roar of the engine._ "Are we going, or are we just going to sit here and die a romantic death by carbon monoxide poisoning?"_

_Yes_, he thought to himself. He'd solved the mystery of 'love' at last, every little thing Raven did being his clues.

"_Don't get your panties in a knot,"_ he thought back to her, smirk firmly in place. He backed out and started out of the garage.

"_No… that's your job," _she teased, laughing out loud as the R-cycle suddenly swerved and nearly hit the T-car.

Raven savoured the moment – the feeling of Robin, shielding her from the wind, in her arms. She had no idea where she was being taken, but she knew she was safe with Robin, so rather than feeling afraid, she felt absolutely liberated and free.

"_Robin?"_ she asked, in a much more serious tone.

"_Yeah?"_

"_Will you tell me about your parents?"_ she asked cautiously, in the gentlest way.

"_Yes…"_ he replied. _"I want to. I think… I think I need to talk about it."_

"_I know…"_ she answered, holding him even closer. _"Any time you're ready. I'm always here."_

"_I know," _Robin whispered. _"I know."_

There was a moment of silence, which Raven took to admire the way magenta and violet and lavender swirled around the clouds.

"_My parents were John and Mary Grayson… 'The Flying Graysons', of Haley's Circus," _he said, only slightly shakily, having not spoken of it for possibly years. But now he felt safe, in her close embrace, and knew that she would listen._ "I was born on the first day of spring. My mother used to call me… her 'little Robin'…"_

Robin continued to share his tragic past with Raven, not leaving out any details. From the way his father smiled, to the way his mother sang Robin the prettiest melodies before he fell asleep, Raven listened intently, not missing a word.

She clung tightly to Robin, never letting go, as they rode off together into the sunset, a cloudy mix of reds and blues.

* * *

**THE END**

_Thanks again for all your support! Not to fear – other fics are underway! _

_- Penguin Pop_


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